THE good weather last Friday apparently had young people jumping from the jetty at Luss.

According to reader Donald Macdonald, one of them took a great deal of persuasion to jump into the cold water. After he had gone in, someone next to Donald speculated that he had jumped as a result of pier pressure.

THERE'S a time and a place to enjoy the Lord of the Rings, but one fan took it too far last week. As Surrey Roads Police tweeted: "We just stopped a #Lord of the Rings fan. Watching it on DVD whilst driving is not good." Someone asked them: "Where did you stop them? Don't say Mordor."

PETER Niven was getting his hair cut when the barber told him of a customer who had recently undergone a leg amputation.

The man's recovery had been remarkable, so much so that he had been able to return to work on his prosthetic in record time, and was now 'clambering about as well as ever'.

Adds Peter: "Presumably to emphasise his admiration for the gentleman, he ceased clipping and helpfully added: 'Aye, he certainly didn't let it stand in his way'."

JOB titles: still they keep on coming. Bob Forsyth, passing through Gourock, came across a fish van bearing the title of The Platter Merchant. The man in the van described his occupation as a Piscatorial Surgeon. "I was so intrigued," says Bob, "I bought some of his fish."

From sunny Hawick, Ian McLean writes of a local window cleaner who's in the habit of referring to himself as 'A man of the cloth'.

AND there's this, from Adam Muir: "When I worked as a Trade Effluent Inspector with East Kilbride Burgh Council, I would visit traders and introduce myself as the Trained Elephant Inspector and ask to see a particular member of staff. This rarely created any questions."

WHAT'S the collective noun for a host of collective nouns? Answers on a postcard, please. In the meantime, more of your suggestions.

An incompetence of managers (Jane Ann Liston); An exaggeration of journalists (Brian Wadham); An oil-slick of politicians ('Anon' - ie, someone fed up with the election campaign. Already);' A bevvy of alcoholics; a tumbler of acrobats; a zodiac of astronomers; a galaxy of chocolates; an hotel of pedants (all John Delaney).

And, for Diary readers, Karen Christie suggests Columnistas.

THE things kids say. Colin Castle shares an anecdote from an RE teacher of his acquaintance.

One day the teacher spoke to a second-year class about comparative education. The next day, in the pre-lesson recap, he asked them where Buddhists, Muslims and others went to worship, then asked: "Where would you go for Mass?"

"Mrs Elliott," replied one boy.

The teacher raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"Mrs Elliott teaches maths," the pupil explained.

The teacher gazed out of the window before rephrasing the question: "Where would you go to 'celebrate' Mass ?

The same boy put up his hand. "Ah tell't ye. It Mrs Elliott an' it's nae celebration!"