It’s been a good week for ... waxwork dummies

Madame Tussaud's has "diplomatically separated" the waxwork figures of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. I’ve only ever been to the museum once. It was the summer of 1978. Scotland was on the march with Ally’s army. My pal Robbie wore a Scotland strip with which he wouldn’t be parted. I suspect it took surgery to remove it. That, and the disastrous 1-1 draw with Iran.

Looking back, Scotland being at a World Cup was almost as surreal as visiting a museum devoted to waxwork figures. On reflection, the exhibits were perhaps more animated than the present-day Scotland team.

But for me and Robbie, on a caravan trip to London with his parents, the prospect of a visit to this legendary establishment was a source of excitement.

Alas, the whole experience completely freaked me out.

I’m not sure what my nine-year-old self found quite so unsettling. Perhaps it was the fact that the figures seemed so lifelike yet at the same time so lifeless.

What struck me, though, was the attention to detail. And all these years later, Madam Tussaud has been revealed to have her finger on the pulse. Within 24 hours of the Brangelina split being announced, the museum was declaring that their waxwork figures "have been split up and are now featured at a respectful distance from each other".

No total meltdown, then.

It’s been a bad week for ... auburn locks

Actor Colin Firth almost missed out on the leading role that launched his career because his hair was too ginger.

He became an instant hit with his portrayal of the Mr Darcy in the 1995 BBC adaptation of Jane Austen’s Pride And Prejudice.

But little did his admirers realise he’d been dabbling with Just For Men. Screenwriter Andrew Davies has admitted: “With Colin I was a bit doubtful because of his colouring at the time because he didn’t have those dark curls back then ... he had to go dark and he did go dark. He’s stayed dark ever since so he must have liked it.”

Asked what Firth’s hair had looked like before, he said: “Underneath all that he’s sort of fairly ginger.”

(Fairly ginger? Isn’t that strawberry blond?) This revelation only confirms that, when it comes to celebrity, the innocent viewer knows nothing of what is and isn’t fake.

For a true grip on reality, we should probably consult Madame Tussaud.