WE all dream of escape. It’s the inescapable fact of the human condition: we went to get away from, you know, “it all”. But how to do it?

Some experiment with recreational or psychedelic drugs, turning their brains into whirly light shows. Some turn to booze, which gives a fleeting glimpse of happiness before returning us to our natural state of misery.

But others – the real rebels – take greater addictive risks and completely throw caution to the wind. They buy a caravan.

Yes, that is the lengths to which they will go. And, if you fancy waddling the length of Exhibition Way at Glasgow’s SECC this week, who knows, perhaps you too will be seduced into the twilight world of recreational vehicles.

The Scottish Caravan, Motorhome & Holiday Home Show comes to the city for its 30th year, with more than 200 companies taking over the SECC to showcase their products.

The blurb promises “adventure”, which is a bit off-putting to timid Hobbits like your anti-hero here. I can’t think that many cardigan-clad caravaners are what I would call adventurous either, but I do admire their courage in taking to the roads with one of the beasts.

I’m not a natural driver. I live in awe of bus drivers (which my ever more macho Dad was for a while), lorry drivers and so forth. I just don’t know how they do it. With caravaners, one is also tempted to think: I don’t know why they do it.

I couldn’t take the grief from other drivers, who are nowhere in more of a hurry than in stress-free rural areas that are always boasting of their slow pace of life.

However, help is at hand. The show is offering expert tuition in towing and manoeuvring from the Caravan Club.

Also on display will be lodges, eco-pods, tents and, it says here, bamboo gazebos. Sounds like fun for all the family. Speaking of which, there’ll be face painting and whatnot for the kids (what did we do with them before face painting?).

Right, I’m outta here.

The Scottish Caravan, Motorhome & Holiday Home Show tootles along nicely at the SECC from Thursday, February 2 to Sunday, February 5.