Punchline stolen

COMEDY fans noted this week that writer and performer Spike Milligan would have been 100 yesterday if he had lived this long. Steve Doherty still has the letter he got back from Spike years ago when Steve wrote to him when he was a teenager asking Spike how he could become rich and famous. The typed later simply states: “Dear Stephen, Rob a bank, regards, Spike.”


PUB chain Wetherspoon’s, which appears to have a pub on every street corner in Glasgow’s city centre, has decided to stop using social media. Chairman Tim Martin told the BBC it will be good for society in general, stating if people “limited their social media to half an hour a day, they’d be mentally and physically better off”. He added: “I find most people I know waste their time on it. A lot of them say they know they waste their time on it, but they struggle to get off it.” A bemused reader emails: “So a bit like drinking in a Weatherspoon’s pub?”

Leaving past behind?

IT’S the anniversary of the Battle of Culloden this week which reminds us of the Duke William Hotel in Lincoln which used to have the welcoming notice inside: “William Duke of Cumberland was affectionately nicknamed ‘Butcher’ following his vicious military campaign against Bonnie Prince Charlie ending at the Battle of Culloden where the rebel army was destroyed.

“After the battle he ordered the murder of any remaining prisoners or wounded soldiers, and set about destroying all the Highland villages, hanging hundreds of people than removing the rest from their land.

“Today the Duke William Hotel welcomes everybody, regardless of their views on Scottish independence.”

Yes, you can’t beat a cheery welcome.

It’s all relative

RAISING children, continued. As Liz Hackett puts it: “No member of any family has the same interpretation of the sentence, ‘We need to leave in 10 minutes’.”

Made for sharing

A READER back from holiday in America commends an item on the menu in a diner he ate at which he feels would prove popular back here.

He tells us: “Under ‘Extras’ on the menu was an item called ‘My girlfriend is not hungry’. For an extra $3, if you order this item, the kitchen doubles the amount of chips they serve you with your burger and adds three extra onion rings.”

Long wait for reply

IT’S always difficult knowing the etiquette if you are busy and don’t reply immediately to a friend’s text. A Strathbungo reader explains the dilemma: “If a friend texts and I don’t have time I tell myself I’ll reply later. A day later I notice the text and still tell myself I should reply. After several days I feel really bad I’ve not replied, and after a week without replying I think the only thing to do now is never talk to that person again.”

Cashing in

BAD result for Rangers in the Sottish Cup semi-final. As actor Darren Connell, who plays Bobby in the TV sketch show Scot Squad explained on social media: “Genuinely think supporting Rangers is worse for yer health than smoking 60-a-day.” And a reader emails after Manchester City won the English Premier League at the weekend: “Well done Pep Guardiola and Manchester City. That was a real surprise considering the incredible restrictions that a stringent budget of £700m on transfers places on a manager.”