GOOD to see the Chic Murray play at Oran Mor this week, A Funny Place for a Window, getting a five star review by Herald critic Mary Brennan. Chic is played by Dave Anderson who actually lived a few doors away from Chic in the west end. Dave once told me he was standing outside his house one night when Chic walked past, obviously heading to the pub for a quick one before they closed.

Chic though caught Dave’s eye and told him: “Just out walking the dog.” The thing was, Chic didn’t have a dog. But to enhance his tale, every few yards he would stop and whistle on his imaginary mutt to catch up with him.

Disney matter

WE asked about meeting someone famous, and Andy McConn tells us: “Working in the US in the seventies, we decided on a family visit to Disneyworld at Orlando. After a hectic day my wife was relaxing on a bench on Main Street and I decided to take the kids for an ice cream. On the way back we met Goofy and had a long (one-sided) conversation. Back at the bench we excitedly reported our celebrity meeting. My wife said that was nice, and added that she had been talking to a golfer that she thought was called The Bear. Yes, I was schmoozing with Goofy while my wife was chatting to Jack Nicklaus.”

Hazard a guess

RELAX, the Royal Wedding will soon be over. There is much speculation on whether the bride’s father will turn up. A reader in Ayrshire says a member in his golf club declared: “He’ll be a typical American – turn up late for the big show and claim all the credit.” And another reader wonders if Harry, after marrying a fetching American TV actress, will be given the title Duke of Hazzard.

Seeing red

IT’S the 10th anniversary of the death of Celtic player and manager Tommy Burns, who is still remembered with affection by all who knew him. Former Rangers player Ally McCoist recalled the other day that when they were both in the Scotland team, the squad was assembled in St Andrews for a “Show Racism the Red Card” photo opportunity.

Ally, as usual, was late, much to the rest of the players’ chagrin.

“I go ‘sorry lads, sorry lads.’ They are all raging at me, raging. So I go to sit down but I don’t have my card to hold up for the picture. Tommy leans over and goes ‘Haw, gie that Orange b****** that ‘Show Racism the Red Card’ will you?’ Brilliant! I mean what a line.”

A bit potty

OUR soldiers’ tales remind retired police officer Alan Barlow in Paisley: “I used to work with a chap who had been a tank crew member towards the end of the war.

“He loved telling the story of being billeted with a French family when one morning the attractive lady of the house came downstairs wearing nothing but a commode. We never ever corrected his story.”

Salad days

A READER in London was discussing Liverpool’s European Championship final in Kiev this month, when an English colleague told him a story about Liverpool’s star striker: “I hear that all the Mo Salah shirts are sold out in Scotland. Scotch lads were buying them as they thought they said ‘No Salad’.”

A bit sniffy

TODAY’S piece of daftness comes from a reader who emails: “Do you think that in Africa they have a deodorant called Lynx UK? And if they did would it smell of cigarettes and mild disappointment?”

Stop the bus

A COLLEAGUE comes over to tell us: “I’ve discovered a cure for my fear of flying – 23 hours on a National Express coach.”