Brush off

AVRIL Paton, painter of those great Glasgow tenement paintings, has her latest work, a cracking picture of Kelvingrove Art Gallery, put on display in the gallery. One of Avril's lesser known works is Rita's Find which is of Glasgow's Paddy Market. She once told us that when she was down there making her initial sketches, angry stallholders came up and demanded to know if she was spying on them "frae the social".

Quite why they thought Government officials would use a sketch artist rather than someone with a camera for spotting benefit fraud, was never explained.

Hard to swallow

A LENZIE reader muses: "I passed a restaurant the other day that had a sign saying 'Kids Eat Free' and I thought to myself, 'Kids always eat free'. I mean when I take my brood to the restaurant never once has one of them put his hand on the bill and said, 'Don't worry dad, I'll get this'."

Boxing clever

THE Scottish Government is to tell local authorities not to produce maps of Scotland with Shetland squeezed into a box off the east coast. The late lamented singer Michael Marra once said he loved to visit Shetland because it was the only place you could buy a map with the United Kingdom in a wee box underneath.

Moving speech

A RATHER tetchy reader phones to tell us: "It's Father's Day this month. My message to teenagers is get something that will really make your dad happy on Father's Day. A flat."

Hot stuff

THE Herald reported that agitator Sean Clerkin of Scottish Resistance will no longer campaign for independence because he is unhappy with the recent Growth Commission report on what independence would mean. We liked East Renfrewshire Tory MP Paul Masterton's reaction on social media who declared: "Clerkin abandons independence less than a year after finding himself with a Scottish Conservative and Unionist MP. Coincidence?"

And just to show that Paul realises that not everyone is a fan of the Tories, he also stated: "For those of you enthused by the prospect of a Tory MP going up in flames - now's your moment!

"I'm doing a fire-walk on June 30 for an amazing local charity called Rebecca Rocks. Worth a fiver surely."

Bit of a card

HOW many of us can identify with Jake Lambert who says: "I've never been able to perfect the art of opening a card on my birthday without making it look like I'm expecting money to fall out."

Bobbing about

OUR tales of football park vendors remind John Hart: "In the sixties the cry was, 'Sixpence for yer macaroon bars….two for a bob'. Hardly a great financial incentive to bulk buy."

Bum note

TODAY'S piece of daftness comes from Foz who declares: "Such a weird day - found a hat full of money in the street. Was also chased by a bloke with a guitar."

Keeping it Real

A FOOTBALL fan who keeps track of the latest managerial comings-and-goings emails us: "Zinedine Zidane suddenly quit as Real Madrid boss just as Livingston announce they are looking for a new manager. Surely they can't be related?"