Just admiral

GREAT to see how some of Glasgow's older institutions are embracing social media. That welcoming bar and music joint, the Admiral Bar in Waterloo Street, told you everything you needed to know yesterday when it announced: "Here’s this morning's news. Some roads are shut in Glasgow. A lot of football fans on Twitter have become football player valuation experts over the summer break. Boris Johnson is a fanny. Today’s soup is lentil. Macca cheese is £5 from 2-8pm."

Ape hit

NOT all Edinburgh Fringe stories are about alcoholic excess and forgetting where your flat is. Lucy Roslyn at BoonDog Theatre, who are putting on the funny psychological thriller Showmanship, tells us the sweet tale: “Last year I played a performing chimpanzee in baggy trousers and a hat. One day I came out in costume for publicity, hooting like a chimp, and a little girl immediately came over, sat on my knee and gave me a hug. She then led me about by the hand. I think she saw a chimp alone in the festival and took it upon herself to look after it. It was one of my loveliest moments of the Fringe.”


CAT owners will identify with Glasgow comedian and Strictly Come Dancing performer Susan Calman who passed on a conversation she had: "TV Producer, 'Do you have any photos of your cats?' Me, 'I'm sure I have a couple somewhere. I mean I'm not obsessed or anything.' TV Producer, 'Can you e-mail them to me?' Me, 'Sure. I'll try to find some. Might take a while.'

"Immediately uploads 7,456 photos. Breaks internet."

Blue do

WHO knew that sexism still exists in an Ayrshire golf club? A local member phones to tell us of a member declaring to everyone around: "I got stopped by a police traffic car coming down the M77, and do you know, it was a female officer who came over. First time I've met a female police officer." When his golfing pals asked what happened he told them: "Typical. When I rolled down my window and asked what was wrong, she said, 'Nothing!'"

Wheel of life

AS our flat infestation stories continue to run around, reader David Steel tells us: "Reminds me of sharing a communal flat on Pollokshaws Road with one friend embellishing his life with a pet hamster, which ran about the living room inside its ball. However one day the hamster went missing, and after much searching we reckoned it had escaped to city life.

"Three months later we were leaving, and the owner sent in cleaners to make it ready for the next tenants. We arrived to reclaim our deposit, and the owner produced a dead hamster which had been found in the toilet brush holder. To add insult to injury he took £30 quid off our deposit because we weren't meant to have pets."

Bit of a card

OLD Firm news and Rangers striker Alfredo Morelos had his red card, when he was sent off against Aberdeen, downgraded to a yellow on appeal. A reader heard a Celtic fan in a Glasgow pub declare: "The guy on Sky Sports said there might have been a different outcome to the game if Morelos had been allowed to stay on the pitch. Has he never seen Morelos play?"

Organ recital

OH dear. After our church organ story, Dougie Campbell at Muir of Ord alleges: “It reminded me of one of the many jobs I got sacked from. I was apprenticed at an organ maintenance company, but got my jotters as they said I didn’t pull out all the stops.” Sorry about that.