Rainy day

WE bump into our old chum Paul Drury who tells us: "What a shock in The Herald yesterday. The taxman took out a notice saying it was aiming to wind up a Scottish company. It's name? Furniture Alfresco Ltd. What? In Scotland?"

Closed book

OUR mention of Rebus author Ian Rankin and his fondness for Edinburgh's Oxford Bar reminds David Martin: "I was in the Oxford Bar just after Ian's Fleshmarket Close had come out and Harry the owner told the regulars that all the staff had received a signed copy from the author, adding that it was a nice gesture. One of the topers at the bar opined, 'I must say I've never read anything by Rankin,' to which Harry replied, 'Aye, I must say, Ian's never mentioned reading anything by you'."

That's the spirit

A GLASGOW reader on holiday in China tells us that many restaurants only had water or beer to drink, and not being a beer drinker she was getting a bit fed up until she was delighted to see in one restaurant that it had "Spirit" on its drinks menu. Not wishing to get into a complicated discussion about whether it was gin, vodka, or even whisky, she asked for a "Spirit and Coke". Imagine her disappointment when a large glass of cola and Sprite lemonade arrived, and she realised she had been seduced by a mis-print.

Tree-mendous

OUR story of the police officer checking locks in the old days reminds David Russell: "In Edinburgh we patrolled from Tardis-type police boxes and the jolly japes were many. Despite what you see on Doctor Who, there's not a lot of room inside. Some fellow officer watched as I returned to find a large armchair inside my box, it having been left out for collection on bin day. I exacted my revenge by finding a huge Christmas tree, also out for collection, placing it inside the culprit's box, then cutting the string."

Bottoms up

WE asked for you to confess your embarrassing moments and an Ayrshire reader says: "A teacher friend walked into what he believed to be an empty staff room to check for mail and broke wind loudly accompanied by a cry of 'Ya beauty' only to turn around and see the mother of one of his pupils sitting behind the door."

Burst her bubble

THINGS that could only happen in Glasgow, continued. A reader tells us: "When the Glasgow Corporation buses were painted bright orange and green I pulled up beside one at traffic lights in King's Park in my little bright orange Fiat 500 with the sunroof open. The bus driver leaned over and shouted: "Aw, hell, I've got a blister on my paintwork."

Dial it back

OUR mention of mobile phone confusion reminds Kate Woods: "A while ago I picked a friend up at the hospital where she volunteers. She got into the car laden with a large handbag and another full carrier bag. A couple of miles down the road her phone started ringing. She frantically searched pockets, then the full handbag and was finally searching the carrier bag when the ringing stopped. 'Oh no' she declared, 'I must have left it on my desk'. I am embarrassed to admit I had completed the U-turn before my brain kicked in."

Bonding

THE news story about Danny Boyle pulling out of directing the next James Bond film reminds us, although we have tried to forget, of a colleague who felt the need to come over to us and ask: "When James Bond is out of Britain is he known as +44 07?"