Making a splash
A READER booked an easyJet flight to Venice and was sent an email from the company asking him if he wanted to hire a car when he was there. He asks: "Has easyJet ever been to Venice?"
Fruity
THE Herald reported that restaurateur Alan Tomkins is investing in a new diner in Maryhill, claiming that the old working-class area is ripe for rejuvenation. It somehow reminds us of the taxi driver who told us of picking up an elderly lady on a winter's night so cold you could see your breathe as you spoke. The old dear asked to be taken to the Orange Hall in Maryhill. Making conversation, the driver says: ''Bitter,'' to which she replies: ''No me. I'm just going to play bingo.''
Designated driver
TODAY'S piece of daftness is from Neal who says: "My mate's skint, so he's decided to sell all his golf equipment. It's going well... but he's not out of the woods yet."
Weaving web
MORE on the tiny battles of married life as Kent Graham reveals: "I told my wife I saw a huge spider crawl into our basement pantry, so my secret stash of Twix bars should be safe for a couple of weeks."
Got wind up
WE asked for your embarrassing moments, and Ian Cooper in Bearsden says: "When I was 16 I was sent with equipment through to Edinburgh from Glasgow. It was so heavy I collapsed sweating on my train seat and lowered the window. A few minutes later the gentleman opposite reached out from behind his Glasgow Herald and slammed it shut. I was having none of this and so the window was duly reopened, only to be once more sharply shut. I challenged Mr Glasgow Herald with, ‘What game do you think you’re playing?' The voice boomed from behind the paper, 'Draughts. Your move’.
"Laughter from the other travellers, and a silent journey to Waverley."
Step too far
STRICTLY Come Dancing starts soon, and we liked the argument of veteran actress Maureen Lipman in the Radio Times on why she wouldn't take part. Said Maureen: “The fact is that the person who’s pretty, whether it’s Joe McFadden or Abbey Clancy, is going to win. It ain’t gonna be Ann Widdecombe. So if you want to have Craig telling you that your arms are like old windmill sails, it’s fine. But I’m quite sensitive. If I work hard, I like a bit of praise. And I get very upset on behalf of even Edwina Currie… Well, maybe that’s pushing it.”
Bean there
GROWING old continued. A reader emails: "Bean bag chairs are Venus fly traps for anyone over 50."
Booked it
WE liked this comment from an American which will resonate with a few folk here. She declared: "I went to the freak show at the fair. It was just some guy quietly reading a hardcover book for an hour without ever checking his phone. One kid threw up."
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