AS Glasgow's Sauchiehall Street is back in the news with worries about the future of the CCA arts centre, and concerns that recent road closures have deterred shoppers, we look back on how The Diary has viewed that famous thoroughfare over the years. After all, they were making jokes about it as far back as the days of horse-drawn carriages when a police officer dragged a dead horse into Pitt Street as he couldn't spell Sauchiehall for his report.
Brush off
EIGHTIES New Romantics band Duran Duran were back in Glasgow for a gig at The SSE Hydro. We recall reader Jim Davis telling us: "I remember walking down Sauchiehall Street in the eighties dressed in what I thought was the ultimate in cool – white shoes, white jeans, white T-shirt and white jacket. I thought I looked like a member of Duran Duran. My perceived style quickly evaporated when I met an elderly neighbour who asked if I'd got a job as a painter."
Corked
A SCOTSTOUN reader was dining at the long-gone Locarno club in Sauchiehall Street with friends. The restaurant was packed with diners when our reader's waitress heavily planked a bottle of wine and a corkscrew on his table. With a harassed air, the waitress stated:"Here, son, open this yersel'. Ah'm helluva busy."
Carry on
A READER once saw a couple engaged in houghmagandy in a car parked in broad daylight in Pollokshields. Thinking it wasn't the sort of thing passing schoolchildren should witness, she telephoned the local police station to inquire whether sex in a car in the street was illegal. ''Of course it is, madam,'' the officer wisely told her, ''otherwise they'd be doing it the length of Sauchiehall Street.''
Drink to that
"WHAT'S your favourite beer?" a market researcher asked a chap in Sauchiehall Street last week. "Oh, probably the fifth one," he replied.
For the record
OUR tale of Blue Nile singer Paul Buchanan checking in a Glasgow music store if his new solo album was in stock, reminds Paul O'Sullivan: "When I was working in Bruce's Record Shop in Sauchiehall Street, Billy Connolly came in and asked the same question. Of course, this was before he was the Big Yin. He was asking about his first post-Humblebums album. "I told him we had it in stock – but not that we hadn't sold any."
Questionable
STRAIGHT and to the point is the blackboard sign seen recently outside a pub in Glasgow's Sauchiehall Street – ''Quiz night – nae smart arses''.
Bottled it
THE news that Irn-Bru is no longer putting deposits on their glass bottles reminds a reader: "I was turning from Cambridge Street into Sauchiehall Street in the city centre when I noticed two carrier bags with about ten empty Irn-Bru bottles next to a bin. As soon as I turned the corner there was a guy, worse for wear, asking for 'change for a wee cup of tea'.
"I pointed out to him the Irn-Bru bottles and told him they were worth £3. His reply? 'You're a miserable b******. It's degrading to take them to the shop!'"
Stocking filler
THE Sauchiehall Street branch of lingerie and sex toys chain Ann Summers is now no longer. We looked back to The Herald which reported its opening in November, 1996, and stated matter-of-factly: “A lady called Angela is surprised to learn that she is the shop’s first customer when she hands over £5.98 for a pair of plastic handcuffs and a packet of flavoured condoms. They are stocking fillers, she says. She’ll be back for something for herself."
Just a normal day’s shopping in Glasgow.
Pottering
A MIDNIGHT launch of the latest Harry Potter book brought two uncomprehending groups face-to-face outside Waterstone's bookshop in Sauchiehall Street. The wholesome Harry Potter queue, consisting mostly of parents with young children, was subjected to foul abuse by ne'er-do-wells leaving nearby pubs. One slurred: "Get a f******' life". ''What?'' a dad replied. ''Like yours?''
What the Dickens
RETAIL assistants at Waterstone's Sauchiehall Street branch have singled out books for recommendation, writing notes to accompany them. One knowledgeable staff member offers this guarded thumbs-up for the Charles Dickens classic Great Expectations: ''It wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be.''
Initially
WE are much impressed by the thriftiness of the newsagent opening up in the old Kirkwoods Fashions shop next door to the CCA art centre. With the CCA having its name in giant letters in its three windows, the new shop has merely put up the large letters ME in its windows to match the size of the neighbour's lettering, hoping to suggest to passers-by, no doubt, that their shop is a Mecca for fags and newspapers.
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