Bridge too far

THE news story about the transporter carrying Range Rovers caving their roofs in against a bridge in Perth reminds Duncan Shaw in Kilwinning: "Many years ago when I was an apprentice at Albion Motors in Yoker, a fitter needing to go into Clydebank took the vehicle he was working on for an unofficial road test. On his return journey he made the mistake of negotiating the low bridge at Clydebank Station, and failing.

"This was not uncommon, however, it was his heartfelt plea to the irate gaffer that stuck in my memory. 'If that train hadn’t been stopped on the bridge I’d have made it through'.”

Write stuff

SO unfair when people look down on students who attend further education colleges instead of university. As one chap declared on social media the other day: "I went to uni in Edinburgh at the start of the 1980s. In those days you could sign on during the holidays, so the council set up special sign-on centres for students – mine was at Tollcross. The lad in front goes up to the wifie and she says, 'I've got a form for you to fill in, which college do you go to?' 'Stevenson', the lad replies. 'Hang on a tick, I've got something for you to fill in the form with', and she reaches in her desk and pulls out a crayon'."


A GLASGOW reader hears a chap in his local tell his pals that his new brother-on-law is a lawyer. He then adds: "I wouldn't say he's a parasite, but last year he was standing at the dodgems at the carnival handing out forms for whiplash claims."


SO Topshop owner Sir Philip Green is back in the news. He has done some strange things in the past – including introducing David Cameron, before he was Prime Minister, to model Kate Moss at a charity dinner. Cameron later confessed that Kate didn't know who he was, but as he knew she lived in his constituency he babbled on at her about the flooding that had been in her area and about the help that was being lined up for people affected. She told him that he sounded like a really useful guy and asked for his phone number. The future PM went back to his table fearing she thought he was a plumber.

Hark the Herald

OUR story about the wayward golf shot that ended up on a goods train and thus earned the player the longest drive prize is not unique. As Bob Byiers tells us: "Years ago a colleague was travelling by train from Glasgow to Aberdeen, and as they passed by Carnoustie golf course a golf ball clattered through the open window and landed on his lap. He wrote a letter to The Glasgow Herald recounting the remarkable event. Next day there was a letter from the golfer asking for his ball back. My colleague felt he was entitled to keep it as a souvenir."

Wiry woman

WE wonder if anyone would identify with Marissa Eve who confesses: "I just spent 10 minutes yelling at my husband for taking my phone charger, before remembering I put it in the other room. I'm still yelling at him, though. I almost have him convinced he did take it and I'm not backing down."

Feeding frenzy

OUR old chum Mike Ritchie, a presenter on Celtic Music Radio, informs us that Nashville-based singer/songwriter Otis Gibbs is appearing in Glasgow on November 1. Says Mike: "Before setting off, he wrote on his website, 'I'll be singing songs, telling stories and lowering property values in Holland, Norway, Scotland, England and Wales. As always, bring a friend to the gig and introduce me to them after the show. I'll try my best not to embarrass any of us.'

"Most of the proceeds from the tour will go toward feeding his dog, Russell, who appears on the tour poster, says Otis."

Chip off old block

WE asked if there was much of a difference between great white sharks and average white sharks which prompted David Russell to ask why people who advertise themselves as "monumental masons" think they are so great.