Stab in the dark

OUR mention of firefighters last week reminds Chris Ide in Waterfoot of years ago attending an international firefighting conference in Romania where at the conference dinner a troupe of gypsy musicians wandered amongst the tables playing appropriate tunes. Says Chris: "The French got 'Paris in the Spring', the Dutch 'Tulips from Amsterdam', the Brazilians 'The girl from Ipanema', and so on.

"Somewhat emboldened by the dinner wine, I caught the bandleader's eye. 'Scottish music please!' I asked, whilst shoving a financial inducement into his top pocket. The band went into a huddle, then burst into 'Mack the Knife'."

Addressing the problem

HALLOWE'EN this week of course, and a chum comments on social media: "At this time of year I’m always worried about commenting on someone’s fancy dress. I did this once before and it turned out not to be fancy dress and she was pure ragin’."

Road to candy

THE wayward golf shots stories remind John McDonald in Innelan of growing up in Glasgow and being sent one summer to visit an uncle in London and being taken to his golf club where he was playing with the club pro and two visiting Americans. Recalls John: "At the shortest hole one of the Americans, Bob, asked 'Want a go kid? If you hit the green I'll buy you candy'. My uncle gave me a cut-down hickory jigger and the ball ended up about 12 feet from the pin. "At the end of the game Bing Crosby, it turned out, asked Bob Hope if he'd bought my candy. Bob gave me a pound which then was 20 weeks pocket money so not too shabby for a 10-year-old from Pollok."

And entertainer Andy Cameron confuses: "Discussing the Diary stories about hitting seagulls, in the golf club last week, one of my playing partners assured me that seagulls were safe when I drove of the tee - it was the worms that should worry."

Clocked it

GROWING old continued. After the clocks went back on Saturday night, a Newlands reader comments: "Kids today with their mobile phones automatically correcting the time - they will never experience the stress of lying on the living room floor trying to work out how to change the time on your VCR."

Pull the plug

AND do you think you spend too much time on your mobile phone? As Anna Grace says: "I’m hearing about people scheduling 'social media breaks' or 'unplugged time.' In the 90s, we referred to this as 'going to work' or 'having friends'.

What the dickens

AFTER we mused in The Diary about whether all white sharks were "great" and were there not a few average ones, Martin Morriosn tells us: "If Charles Dickens had written a tale for the youth of today, it would be entitled Average Expectations."

Spot on

THE Diary story about the travel writer's encounter with a Glasgow shipyard welder in drag provokes George Dale in Beith to suggest: "I assume he was riveted by his good looks."

A tube

FOR a moment we thought a colleague was actually being serious when he wandered over and told us: "A faulty batch of sun cream has had to be withdrawn from the shops" before he added: "There are a lot of red faces."