Bet on it

OUR stories about bookies reminded a reader of when he attended one of Glasgow's grant-assisted secondary schools in the sixties - schools which included High School, Hillhead, and Allan Glen's. He tells us: "I attended one of the Glasgow Corporation schools that charged a small amount of fees. One of my class was given the fee in cash by his parents to hand in and he decided to put it on a safe-bet horse in a jumps race. It fell at the first fence and was shot. Inevitably, he (the pupil, not the horse) progressed to a career in finance."

How it stacked up

WE have mentioned before Scottish waitresses with sharp tongues in their heads. Ed Hunter extends the genre to shop assistants, and explains: "I went into a motorway shop looking for a Snickers bar. I couldn't see one but asked a wee woman stacking shelves, 'Could you tell me where I can find a Snickers bar?' She looked at me contemptuously and pointed to the shelf right in front of me. 'I shouldnae be allowed out', says I. 'Well certainly no' unaccompanied', says she."

Errare Humanum Est

WE pass on the observation of former Strictly Come Dancing contestant, the Rev Richard Cole, who said: "I just sent a text to someone apologising for something which concluded with 'Mea Culpa'. But after I pressed send I saw it had come out as Mrs Clumps."

Cheque this

WAYWARD golf shots, continued. Says David Knight: "On my first day as a new member at Lanark, I presented my fees' cheque to the club manager and went straight to the first tee for our four-ball. My first effort made a splash down in Lanark Loch, which is no mean feat, quickly followed by a second attempt that crashed into the club house roof, causing two senior members watching from the lounge window, to dive for cover. I am eternally grateful our club manager refrained from immediately returning my cheque."

A bit put out

MORE on growing old as writer Damien Owens muses: "Welcome to your forties! You're tired all the time now, you don't know who any of the famous people are, and you've got a phone reminder called 'Bins'."

Short fuse

LOOKS as though the Christmas shopping has already begun judging by busy car parks. A Bearsden reader tells us: "Yet again I find myself swearing at the owners of short cars for making me think, just for a second, that I'm going to get a parking bay close to the shops."

Drink to that

THE Herald recently reported that ScotRail, run by Dutch firm Abellio, missed 15 out of 38 targets between April and June. Says reader Brian Chrystal: "I noticed that one of the cut-price supermarkets (I can never tell one from the other, so let's call it Laldi) is selling a very nice Spanish white Albarino wine called Abellio at a very decent price. Good product, reliable quality, inexpensive - wouldn't it be good if the train company of the same name could do likewise? "


A READER writes: "At my Ayrshire golf club a friend was telling a story of a husband and wife's brief argument at a party he attended, when drink may have been taken. The husband said, 'What in Heaven's name made me marry YOU?' The wife replied, 'You got me pregnant' to which the husband said, 'Fair nuff'.

"You don't often get 'gentlemen' like that nowadays."