Ferry nuff

AFTER Brexit minister Dominic Raab's confusion about so much trade coming to Britain via ferry, teacher Debbie Meehan tells us: "It reminded me of a school trip to France and the pupil who asked if we were in France yet, despite not yet having been on the ferry. He hadn’t realised there was a stretch of water to cross."

And after Channel 4 reporter Michael Crick reported that "Jo Johnson’s resignation came as a complete shock at the Transport Department where senior figures only found out once it was public" a reader comments: "It came as more of a shock to the general public, most of whom had no idea he was Transport Minister in the first place."

Worked it out

AFTER our story about the New Zealand accent, Archibald Crichton tells us: "I was at a party where I met a couple from New Zealand. We got talking and the wife told me she was a Libra. I said I was a Capricorn which drew a blank look. Later her husband told me he was a builder and his wife was his, 'Libra'."

Taking it easy

GROWING old continued: A Jordanhill reader tells us: "My wife doesn't seem happy with me taking early retirement while she is still working. When she came home and asked me what I'd done all day I happily told her, 'Nothing'. When she snapped back that I had said the same thing the day before, it gave me the classic chance to reply, 'I hadn't finished it'."

Down to earth

WE liked the style of Barry Stagg who was giving a talk the other day at Largs Stamp Club about stamps and postcards which featured parachutes - quite a lot it turns out. In case any interest was waning during the chat, he pulled out a revealing postcard of film star Marilyn Monroe and told members: "Did you know that she worked as a parachute inspector in 1943?" And do you know, he was correct, so there.

A bit tyred

SAD news the possibility of the Michelin tyre factory in Dundee being closed. But as reader David Russell asks: "I wonder who in the Scottish Television hierarchy decided that the news coverage of the Michelin decision would be handled by Juliet Dunlop?"

A wash-out

AS expected, President Donald Trump didn't cover himself in glory on his trip to France with his decision not to go to an American war cemetery due to the inclement weather. As Bill Ader in America asks, perhaps optimistically: "What if it never stops raining and Trump is trapped in Paris?"

A ball

TODAY'S piece of whimsy comes from a reader who says: "Sometimes, when I am matching socks and rolling them up together, I think, 'What if these two socks don't even like each other?'"

Spaced out

IT was a day of solemnity yesterday all across the country. So we were cheered up by stand-up Susan Calman who told fans on social media: "Switching off my phone today. Not because anyone has been nasty, just because sometimes it's good for me not care what people are thinking. Also, the leaves are still falling from the trees like a ticker tape parade. I'm going to walk around pretending to be a returning astronaut."