Bit of a mouthful

DON'T want to worry you, but yes, it's December tomorrow. As Dan Regan confesses: "According to the chocolate advent calendar I bought yesterday I guess I should wish everyone a Merry Christmas today."

Just grand

GETTING old, continued. That's what I felt when that little gem, the Baby Grand tucked away at Charing Cross, reopened after a smart refurbishment, as I was at the original opening over 30 years ago. Up and coming Glasgow author Chris McQueer was there and confirmed that the story from one of his books was true.

It was the Glasgow guy who wanted a tattoo of the Egyptian pyramids. Unfortunately he showed the tattooist the wrong picture on his smartphone, and now sports a tattoo of the east end shopping centre, The Forge, on his backside.

And St Enoch Centre manager Anne Ledgerwood who was also at the reopening, praised Glasgow's style. "Take a look at Buchanan Street on a Saturday,” she argued. “Glasgow must be the only city where people get dressed up to go to the shops.”

Just the tonic

OUR colleague Catriona Stewart frequently defends Glasgow's Govanhill where even there the gentle touch of gentrification has reached. On a visit to the new bar The Bell Jar, she was pleasantly surprised when the barman popped out to the local organic food shop to buy a cucumber to put in her Hendrick's gin because he wouldn’t use a lime.

Makes a change from the grumpy old Glasgow barman who, when asked for a slice of lemon in a gin and tonic, replied: "Where do you think you are? Malcolm Campbell's?"


FUNNY how Brexit is changing us. Author J.K. Rowling used to go on to social media to tell her 14m followers cute stories about wizards. Now she vehemently argues how bad Brexit would be for Britain. As she eloquently put it: "I swear to God I'm trying not to bang on about Brexit but for ***** sake, every time I come out of my writing room and look at the news some more dumbassery has been committed."

And she posed the question: "Theresa May's suggestion that a People's Vote would 'overturn the will of the British people' makes literally no sense. Who does she think would be voting? The Chinese?"


MEANWHILE there is much chatter on whether the Tory and Labour leaders would meet in a TV debate over the Brexit deal. A reader emails the claim: "Jeremy Corbyn is now a doubt for the Brexit TV debate after doctors advised against trying to balance on a fence for a full hour."


OUR story about the late Lady Trumpington saying you should shout "Fire!" when you need help as someone was bound to come, reminds Marie Murray: "There was a family who moved into Lennoxtown who had a daughter named Sophia, but they pronounced it So-fie-ah. Her mammy calling her in for her tea did indeed cause the neighbours to come running!"

Driven demented

WE ran a series of stories about excuses for being late. Stephen O'Neill tells us one, and his excuse for being late with it, is he lives in Bali. But anyway, says Stephen: "On a recent trip to Cambodia I met an Irish teacher who told me that one of his pupils arrived an hour and a half late. He asked why and the young pupil said his dad was away from home for a few days. Teacher Tony said that was no reason for being so late, and the lad added that his mum had driven him to school that day. Again Tony persisted that it was still no excuse so the lad eventually said that as his dad was out of town, mum took dad's car, had left in plenty of time, but she had never actually driven a car before."

Thigh's the limit

TODAY'S piece of whimsy comes from a reader fearing overindulging at Christmas who declares: "I wish you could suck your thighs in like you can your stomach."