MERKEL STANDS ASIDE

ONE is fond of kitten-heeled designer numbers, the other could be a poster woman for Clarks’ comfiest.

But there is little doubt that Theresa May would this weekend prefer to be in Angela Merkel’s shoes rather than her own, even if the German Chancellor is stepping down as her party’s leader.

In the German system the job of party leader is separate to that of Chancellor. One person can do both, as Mrs Merkel has for the past 13 years, or the responsibility can be split. It is an odd business. Imagine Labour’s John McDonnell becoming PM while Jeremy Corbyn remained as party leader (a neat idea, some might think).

But it works for Germany, which is why Mrs Merkel was set last night to be replaced as chair of the centre-right Christian Democratic Union (CDU), but continue as Chancellor till the next federal elections in 2021.

That, at any rate, is the theory. In reality, how long Mrs Merkel continues as Chancellor depends on her successor as CDU leader, Annegret Kramp-Karrenbauer. If she continues to be her ally, as seems likely, fine. If not, there may be trouble ahead. 

Either way, yesterday felt like the end of an era as her party rushed to pay tribute to the woman known to the country as “Mutti”.

There is much that is remarkable about Mrs Merkel, not least her longevity at the top of German and EU politics. Like the Queen, she has watched other countries’ leaders come and go while she sailed on serenely. Since she became Chancellor in 2005 the conga line of British Prime Ministers has stretched from Blair to May. Whatever new kid appeared on the block, she kept her trademark calm and carried on.

Her decision in 2015 to open Germany’s doors to one million refugees changed all that. At the time it was was seen as a deeply humane move, yet a pragmatic one, too. Refugees, mostly from Syria, desperately needed homes, and an ageing Germany required workers. When doubts were raised about the numbers, Mrs Merkel insisted: “We can do this.”

Attacks by migrants in Cologne and outbreaks of violence elsewhere, all exploited by the far right Alternative for Germany (AfD), showed Germany was not up to the task of taking in so many people without incident. Not enough preparation had been undertaken; the promises made could not be fulfilled quickly.

She had, moreover, acted without consulting party or country. Just as Mrs Thatcher had her poll tax, so Mrs Merkel had her refugee policy. The voters and party were bound to have their say sooner or later. In Mrs Merkel’s case it was a disastrous showing in state elections that sealed her fate. Mutti did not have all the answers after all. She was just a politician like any other, capable of decisions good and bad.

After the week she has had, Mrs May might feel uniquely burdened, but a quick look across Europe shows her fellow leaders are living through their own interesting times. French President Emmanuel Macron has taken the extraordinary step of sealing off tourist attractions in Paris this weekend for fear of further attacks by anti-government rioters.

In Italy, the government is refusing EU demands to live within its means. How long can it be before Italians, like the Greeks before them, take to the streets?

In Hungary and Poland, populist parties become ever bolder. All over Europe, the old mainstream party order is coming under strain. Voters are looking to the margins, left and right, for answers. All is far from well in the kingdom of the EU.

The PM and the Chancellor are old school democrats who put duty first. They have both tried to rise above the fray: Mrs May taking her case for a withdrawal deal to the country in the hope this will persuade MPs to back her in next Tuesday's vote; Mrs Merkel stepping down from the party leadership she has held since 2000, trusting this will be enough to satisfy her critics.

Two women, united by a single desire to remain in power. For both, being at the top can never have seemed lonelier.

HOW MUCH FOR A CINEMA TICKET?

IT can be a dear enough business going to the cinema if you have a pick and mix fiend in the party. Imagine the damage if the seats cost £40.75 each.
That’s what the Odeon Leicester Square in London is asking for what it deems the best seats in the house. For this, the punter gets to relax on a “Luxe Recliner” while watching the big Christmas film, Mary Poppins. 
In its defence, the Odeon pointed out that tickets start at £10 each, and the cinema was still a bargain compared to the theatre.
The cinema industry has been going all out to show it is still worth seeing films on the genuinely big screen. It seems to have hit on something. At the Cineworld opposite The Herald’s offices, the VIP package at £29 each, which includes hot food and snacks, is popular. The lounge, perched at the top of the building, also has one of the best views in the city. 
But £40 to see Mary Poppins? For that money I would want someone on grape peeling duty, another dispensing foot rubs, and a lift home after. In a sedan chair.

PARKING THE PROBLEM

I SEE a solution to the parking space shortage at the £842 million Queen Elizabeth University Hospital has been found: a strip of waste land and two guys in a Portakabin.
Now, instead of joining an endless stream of cars circling the car parks in search of a rare as hens' teeth space, one can park opposite the campus. It costs £4, as opposed to the free, official spaces, but it is worth it to avoid the hassle.
At least there are spaces reserved for staff at the QEUH, unlike at the Royal Infirmary in Glasgow where parking can cost £20 a day. Try affording that on a nurse’s wage.
Hospital parking charges were scrapped in 2008, but in three places, the Glasgow and Edinburgh Royals, and Ninewells, they persist because the land and buildings are owned and operated under the private finance initiative.
Nurses and other staff at the Royal are not asking for free parking, though that would be nice, but they would like a flat fee of a fiver a day. 
If you think the owners should play Santa and bring in a flat rate, you can join the 11,000 plus people who have already signed the petition at www.change.org

MUMMY, WHY IS RUDOLPH BARKING?

WONDER what they think of it abroad. Not the kerfuffle over Brexit, they long ago certified us insane on that one, but the British love of Christmas theme parks.
Make that awful Christmas theme parks. Once again, families are taking to social media to share their pain. They come expecting, as per the advertisements, a winter wonderland filled with reindeer, elves, and snow
What they get instead is muddy fields, sparsely decorated barns and, for the truly lucky, a husky wearing antlers.
At one site in Wales, which charged £57.80 for a family of four, complaints were made about an “enchanted woodland walk” full of rubble and tree stumps, and a Santa whose beard fell off.
I swear it has become a competition to see who can have the most naff experience. So much more fun than queueing up in a department store to see some scary old man distribute overpriced tat.
Just think, if/when Brexit does occur, we can sell the rotten Christmas theme parks idea to the rest of the world. Ker-ching!