WHAT'S in a name? Well, if the predictions for 2019 baby monikers are anything to go by then I would hazard a lifetime of repeatedly spelling it out, wry double takes and folk openly sniggering when you tell them what you are called.

Cult television shows have a knack for inspiring kooky baby names. We can thank Game of Thrones for all the tots called Sansa, Tyrion, Jon, Dany (short for Daenerys) and Aria/Arya who will be heading off to primary school in the next few years.

Brace yourself for the rise of the latest box set babies. According to parenting website BabyCentre, the eponymous main protagonist in the hit series Killing Eve is expected to prompt a flurry of copycat namesakes alongside that of stone-cold assassin Villanelle.

Conventional names such as Julia and David are tipped to see a surge in popularity following the success of Bodyguard which became the BBC's all-time most watched box set this year.

One of the surprise trends in 2018 is a renaissance of names that enjoyed prominence in the 1970s, including Barry, Brian and Patricia. The throwback to this vintage decade looks likely to continue next year with the boffins at BabyCentre suggesting Cliff, Christine and Susan could follow suit.

Which is good news for me. There was a definite dearth of Christmas baubles bearing my name in the pound shop this year. I had to buy a generic one and write "Susan" on it with a marker pen like a stroppy teenager graffitiing a toilet door.

Elsa and Anna, both characters from the Disney blockbuster Frozen, have enjoyed soaring popularity in recent years and with a sequel due for release in 2019, that shows few signs of waning.

The cute canine gang from PAW Patrol is said to have sparked a flurry of children called Ryder, Chase, Marshall and Rocky. Although I would venture that last one could also be down to the newly released Creed II. What's not to love about a punch-drunk, incoherent and shambling former boxer?

Southwest Airlines had to apologise last month after one of its employees laughed openly at the boarding pass of a five-year-old passenger called Abcde. The name is pronounced "ab-city", which sounds like a chain of gyms that promise a perfectly sculpted six-pack.

It has since emerged there are almost 400 people named Abcde in the US. That's 400 people whose parents gave short shrift to the rest of the alphabet or perhaps needed a handy way to recall the resuscitation techniques from a first aid course: airway, breathing, circulation, disability, exposure.

Next you will be telling me that 12345 is all the rage. Pronounced: Bleeeeeeeeeurgh. It's not so much keeping-up-with-the-Joneses as beating people over the head with what you imagine is quirky originality, but in fact is simply the height of nonsense.

Remember in the late 1990s when naming kids after the place they were conceived was considered hip thanks to the Beckhams calling their eldest son Brooklyn? Fortunately it didn't quite catch on in Scotland. Ayr caravan park doesn't have quite the same exotic ring.

These days parents are drawing inspiration from spiritual practices such as yoga or meditation (Peace, Harmony, Rainbow, Ocean and Sky) and healthy food (pity the poor mites called Kale).

Ditto the second Kardashian generation (a random yet whimsical lexicon that includes Stormi, Dream, Saint and Reign) and the online game Fortnite (whatever that is) where Bunny and Rogue are apparently among the top choices.

In Iceland, there are no such shenanigans. The Icelandic Naming Committee maintains an official register of approved given names and governs the introduction of new ones.

Let's set the bar: only use names you wouldn't be ashamed for the server to call out in Starbucks.

Skating on thin ice

ONE minute I was striding towards the bus stop with my usual early morning vigour, the next I found myself sliding along the pavement like Tom Cruise in Risky Business. Ah, the perils of black ice on a dark December morning.

Miraculously, I managed to stay upright. A dogwalker clinging precariously to a nearby gatepost gave me a hearty cheer. I half-expected Torvill and Dean to pop out from behind a hedge and invite me to Bolero the rest of the way down the hill.

Two buses arrived at once. I needed to flag down the second one. I barrelled towards it resembling a cross between Mr Blobby and an angry penguin, my feet rapidly losing traction on the sheet of ice.

A question: in my advancing years when does "she fell over" become "she had a wee fall …"?

Seeing double

I DON'T care what the film snobs say, I love a sequel. There are heaps of movies that are long overdue a follow-up. I mean, who hasn't wondered if Ferris Bueller finally got his comeuppance for being such a smug little git? That's one dude who definitely peaked in high school.

Did E.T. ever come back to visit? What happened to One Eyed Willy's pirate ship after it sailed off in The Goonies? And did the shape-shifting alien inhabit MacReady (Kurt Russell) or Childs (Keith David) at the end of The Thing?

It was announced last week that the cast of Four Weddings and a Funeral is set to be reunited for a fifth wedding – 25 years on from the original comedy starring Hugh Grant and Andie MacDowell – which will be screened on Red Nose Day 2019.

Not a moment too soon. There are so many questions left hanging. How many of the four weddings ended in divorce? What was the total in the swear jar for all those dropped f-bombs? But most importantly, is it still raining? And has MacDowell's character finally noticed?

While we are on the subject of cinema, I have an important public service announcement to make. DIE HARD IS NOT A CHRISTMAS MOVIE. Message ends.