A bit dippy

WE mentioned the cute things children say, and Tommy Cooks in Larbert tells us about taking his granddaughter to the shops after his wife told him to pick up a few things, with her adding that he was not to forget to buy a Lucky Dip lottery ticket. It slipped his mind, and at the check-out when the assistant asked if that was all, his granddaughter piped up: "Pappa, Gran said you've to get a Ducky Lip." Adds Tommy: "And ever since when I've gone into the shop the assistant has asked, 'Do you want a ducky lip?"

That's the ticket

THERE has always been the dodge when you arrive at Glasgow Central station without a ticket to simply say you got on at the last stop and buy a ticket from there. We read a chap on social media this week explain: "Tried tae get a ticket on the train in Central n say as fay Paisley, n the guy asked me wir ma postcode wis. Wow man, new level a jobsworth."

Black affronted

TALKING about social media, our politicians can get some amount of abuse on it. We liked the cool response of young SNP MP Mhairi Black when a chap called James on Twitter told her: "When I look at you I instantly think, lesbian." She merely replied: "Inspiring observational skills you have James. I’m willing to wager that when straight women see you they think nothing at all."

So sweet

WHAT we love about Glasgow, continued. Says Bob Jamieson: "Years ago, we visited Glasgow with some English friends, and took them to The Burrell, Pollock House and the art galleries, all of which impressed them. Next day they wanted to visit The Barras, and I had mentioned The Saracens Head, so we went in for a drink where we ordered three pints and a dry white wine.

"The barmaid pulled out a bottle of Liebfraumilch, unchilled of course. I stopped her and pointed out that I wanted a dry wine. She banged the bottle on the counter and said, 'it’s no a ******* wine bar. Dae ye want it or no?' Needless to say we had it."

It's a gift

STRESSFUL time the run-up to Christmas. A young Paisley chap was overheard telling his pals: "Ma maw 'n' da had been puttin' up the Christmas decorations fur only three minutes and already ah could smell the divorce papers."

And a Glasgow reader tells us about a colleague in his office leaving for a new job and within minutes three female members of staff were in a huddle discussing how his departure would affect the Secret Santa.

Root it out

AND our tales about Christmas presents remind Jen Hogg in Netherlee: "Years ago, when we were all young and very skint, my pals decided we should buy the best Secret Santa present for one pound. One friend unwrapped a big selection box. Marveling that it had been purchased for only a pound, she congratulated herself on her good luck until she opened it - to find all the chocolate replaced by carrots and potatoes."

Stationary

MORE on train announcements as Richard Day in Bearsden recalls: "A few years ago when boarding a seemingly six-coach train at Edinburgh Waverley, the announcement was made, 'Ladies and gentlemen welcome on board the 1800 service to Glasgow Queen Street. This train is formed of three coaches. Please note that only the front three coaches are for Glasgow”.

This was repeated several times until close to departure time when the announcement changed to, 'I repeat, only the front three coaches are going to Glasgow. If yir sittin’ ony where else, yir no goin’ nae’where!'"

What's in a name

AN Ayrshire reader tells us a chap in his golf club opined the other day: "When we got married, the wife had her last name legally changed to mine. Apparently at the same time my name was changed to 'Is that what you're wearing?'"