The Scottish charity regulator certainly has his hands full with a constant stream of complaints and message of concern. But there’s one involving the Catholic Church, a paedophile priest and questions over misuse of charitable funds which has been gathering dust for eight months.

The complaint, made in April, alleges that the Catholic diocese of Galloway misspent charitable funds in support of a paedophile priest Paul Moore, including buying him a house.

Moore was jailed for nine years earlier this year for sexually abusing three children and a student priest in Ayrshire between 1977 and 1996. He abused one boy of five at school, another at the Magnum Leisure Centre and a third on the beach at Irvine. He also abused the trainee priest, Patrick Lawson, in 1995, who claims he reported it to the church at the time. However, it took 18 years for Moore to be brought to justice.

The offences took place within the Diocese of Galloway. Moore, now 82, confessed to his then bishop in the late 1990s, but instead of being dismissed and the police called in he was sent to a treatment centre in Canada for priests with psychological problems, then to Fort Augustus Abbey in the Highlands, and allowed to retire to a house in Largs bought by the Catholic Church.

The bishop of the Galloway diocese at the time, Maurice Taylor, now 91, who sent Moore to Canada, gave evidence in the trial and told the court Moore admitted he had a “desire to abuse minors”. Moore was removed from the pastoral ministry after his admission but continued to live in a house purchased by the Church.

Moore was well connected. By contrast Lawson, who was ordained to the ministry, was recovering from cancer when he was removed from his two Ayrshire parishes – St Paul’s in Hurlford and St Sophia’s in Galston – and given 48 hours’ notice to leave his parish house, allegedly for speaking out about the abuse. Two weeks ago Moore’s sentence was reduced to eight years on appeal.

Following Moore’s original conviction, the Office of the Scottish Charity Regulator (OSCR) was asked to investigate whether charitable funds allegedly spent on him was proper use of the money. The Galloway diocese is a registered charity with a turnover of £3.5 million.

When the complainant, Peter Martin, had no response after nine weeks he wrote again, to be told there was a delay because of the number of other complaints. He continues to wait for that response.

Martin believes the delay is because OSCR’s funding is “insufficient to employ the number of caseworkers it needs.” No-one at OSCR’s office in Dundee was available for comment.

A spokesman for the Catholic Church said: “The Diocese of Galloway is not aware of any complaint made to the charity regulator but will co-operate fully with any request.

“The Diocese did not contribute any funding towards Paul Moore’s legal costs. Prior to his conviction, the Diocese fulfilled its obligations to all retired clergy and he lived in a house owned by the Diocese.

“The Bishop of Galloway renews the apologies previously made for the abuse suffered by anyone in the care of those ministering or working on behalf of the Church.”

The statement added: “Fr Patrick Lawson is a priest the Diocese of Galloway but does not have an ecclesiastical office.”

Back on top

He’s Number One again! Up from three last year is Donald Findlay QC, the country’s top-earning advocate who netted £389,000 in fees in the year to March 31, almost all of it from defending ... er ... the wrongly accused.

The Scottish Legal Aid Board published its league table last week and Donald, he of the mutton chops, pipe, forensic legal mind and colourful utterances, was back where he belongs, at the top of the (cash) pile. I am uncommonly fond of Donald, despite him once getting me fined, justifiably, but that’s another story.

The amount spent on criminal legal assistance is down 13% year-on-year, to £74 million, partly because because reported crime has fallen but, importantly, because the courts are clogged and police and fiscals are not prosecuting minor cases.

Criminal lawyers at lower levels are feeling the pinch. So sad, too bad, never mind then.

Silly boy

Back once more to the theory of nominative determinism, the hypothesis that people gravitate towards jobs that fit their names.

So it was inevitable that (JW) Splatt and (D) Weedon would become urologists. And that Sue Yoo would be a top US lawyer. That Ann Webb would found the British Tarantula Society.

But not just jobs. A name can also predict an outcome. Take the tragic case in Gallup, New Mexico where a three-year-old boy found a gun in a motel room while his mother and her boyfriend showered.

Tragically, he then shot his eight-month-old sister, although not fatally.

The boyfriend, along with the mum, was charged with child abuse and also accused of tampering with evidence by wiping the gun after the shooting. His name? Tyrell Bitsilly.

Shark attack

If you have so far escaped it and you value your sanity do not on any account listen to the Baby Shark Dance song. It is the most persistent earworm which burrows into your consciousness and keeps popping back to doo-doo-doo in your brain. Apparently it’s a viral sensation and, like most of these, it passed me by until last week. Now I’ll need another trepanning to remove it.

It started as a kids’ singalong on the Korean Pinkfong YouTube channel, which apparently has over 10 million subscribers. The video has now ratcheted up more than three billion views and climbing.

And, of course, when you have a silly song and dance for kids you need some plumb stupid adults to follow it up.

Mimicking the Kiki Challenge – where adults got out of moving cars to dance to Drake’s My Feelings – these morons are dressing up as sharks and jigging to the Baby Shark Challenge, while their moving cars no doubt plough into groups of pensioners still trying to master the steps of the Lambada.

Come to think of it, it’s probably a perfect analogy for the past week’s Brexit bourach.

Effing brilliant

Match of the Day presenter Gary Lineker and his old teammate and roommate on England travels, Peter Shilton, have fallen out over Brexit, after the former goalkeeper tweeted supportively about Jacob Rees-Mogg. Keepers, whether legends or not, are famously daft. It certainly applies to Shilts.

In 1992, he was player-manager of Plymouth Argyle, then struggling against relegation to the old Third Division. He decided to give the players an inspirational talk, which culminated in him assuring them Argyle would rise “like a pheasant from the ashes”. An embarrassed silence fell before one player piped up, “Don’t you mean phoenix gaffer?” Quick as a flash Shilton responded, “Of course … I knew it began with an F.”

Chocs aweigh!

Holy deep fried Mars bars! Today is Chocolate Covered Anything Day. Apparently people smear it on bacon, coat peppers in the light or dark stuff, jalapenos, carrots and, who knows, perhaps the teapot or a partner’s tasty bits? I wouldn’t know, as I’m probably the only person who doesn’t like chocolate.

What a pro ... secco

In Italy they take their food and drink standards seriously. The Italian police, the Carabinieri, have a food fraud squad which, with the aid of Interpol, prevented prosecco being on tap in British pubs. It can only be legally sold in bottles, of which we down some 33 million bottles a year.

Well now, in what you could call bursting the bubble trouble, the cops have seized three-quarters of a million litres of prosecco which contained added sugar. It’s only in the second phase of manufacture, to create the bubbles, that you are allowed to add sugar, but devious and unscrupulous fiends were adding it to the first ferment to boost the alcohol level. But here’s the best bit, they actually train these Carabinieri fraud-busters to identify fraudulent prosecco by tasting batches.

So when they’re feet up, quaffing a glass or two in front of the telly, they can legitimately claim they’ve taken their work home. Can’t see it being followed up by Police Scotland though.

Taking the Michael

Response of the week from the SNP’s Mike Russell, asked on Sky News on Friday to define the Scots word sleekit. “Think Michael Gove,” he replied.