Going extra mile

THE sad death of former Marmalade singer Dean Ford reminds David Watson in Cumbernauld of Dean having his first chart success with 20 Miles. Says David: "Some friends and I ran an early disco in Coatbridge while at high school, when our weekly routine was buying a copy of every record in the Top 10. Aware that a local band, Dean Ford and the Gaylords, were bringing out a record, word went round that it was in the Top 10 at the local record shop, Mills of Bank Street. However I was told not to bother rushing to the shop as it was sold out. Apparently Dean had bought all the copies.”

Cloak and lager

WE mentioned La Bonne Auberge in Glasgow ordering more than 80 fancy gin glasses with their name and logo printed on them, only to be left with just 16 of them after Christmas. We didn't expect one reader to tell us: "Must go in tomorrow and bag one of the last 16." Anyway, on the question of glass appropriation, Lesley Wilson tells us: "I was a student at Dunfermline College of PE in Cramond, Edinburgh, an all-female establishment a bit like St Trinian's. Our local was the Cramond Inn which we visited with appropriate student enthusiasm.

"College uniform included a dark cloak – perfect for hiding pints for the thirsty walk back to the residences. At the end of each term, the inn left a box at the entrance to the residences with a note threatening a ban next term if we didn't return the glasses we'd 'borrowed'. It was filled to over-flowing every time."

Browned off

LANGUAGE misunderstandings, continued. A Milngavie reader passes on: "I was out for a walk with my little girl once when I stopped to chat to a neighbour who said he was getting a chocolate lab. When we walked on my daughter excitedly asked, 'He's going to make his own chocolate?'"

Drink to that

FOLK have been talking about sticking to a Dry January, giving up alcohol for the month, although those that do seem to be people who only ever have a couple of drinks a week and want to pretend that they have a more exciting problem. Anyway, we prefer the reaction of our old colleague Gordon Darroch who declares: "Dry January? Why yes, that sounds like a splendid idea. It's dark, wet and cold, I've got tuppence ha'penny to cover the next three weeks, the decorations have come down, it's six months till the summer holidays and now you're suggesting taking the booze away as well."

Day time

SHOWBIZ news, and Bill Dalgleish in Sanquhar comments: "After singer Sophie Ellis-Bextor's fifth baby boy was born recently she said she would probably call it a day. l know there are some weird and wonderful names given to babies nowadays but that's the strangest one l've heard yet."

Bit of a blow

AS a final postscript to the New Year, former cop David Russell tells us of a Hogmanay in Edinburgh's Royal Mile a few years ago when a beat officer found a car leaking petrol, and called in the fire brigade. Says David: "As the fire engine passed slowly through the crowds a bottle of whisky was sociably offered up to the crew window, and accepted. The appliance carried on leaving the bottle's owner a bit miffed, as he'd simply been offering a toast, not the entire bottle."

And the car? A firefighter stuck an axe through the fuel tank so it could be drained properly which was lucky for the drunk owner who returned and was unable to start it while the polis were watching him.

Ticked off

A READER tells us he was in his local pub when a young chap told his mates that the girl he met at Christmas "ticked all the boxes." A pal, not a fan of such a cliche, asked him: "So she's rubbish at multiple choice exams then is she?"

Boxed in

TODAY'S piece of whimsy comes from Mark who says: "Pretty sure my wife only married me to break down Amazon Prime boxes."