Slip up

BIT icy in Glasgow yesterday. As Stuart Murdoch of Scots indie pop band Belle and Sebastian told fans on social media: "The band are are making their way through ice, fog and cancelled trains just to record for you today. In fact, Dave fell on his arse already, so be careful out there!"

And a reader who slipped his way across the city's George Square told us: "It seems the council has brought back the ice rink to George Square a little later this winter. But at least it's free."

Paws for thought

NERVOUSLY we have another look at what's happening with Brexit. TV company Hat Trick Productions tells us: "The pet shop chain Pets At Home has revealed it is stockpiling cat food in case of a hard Brexit. The government says it’s sensible to fatten them up before we have to eat them."

And former Brexit secretary David Davis is to be paid £60,000 by digger firm JCB for 20 hours of consultancy work. One or two readers got in touch to say that it was no wonder he got the job as he is an expert at digging a hole that nobody knows how to get out of.

Dog licence

THE Herald reported that 10% of Scots don't have a TV licence compared to only 6% in England and Wales. It reminds us of former Prime Minister Gordon Brown once explaining that when he worked at Scottish Television he was told that when folk phoned with complaints, he was to remain courteous but ask them for their TV licence number. Magically, many callers then hung up.

And licensing staff once told us that one excuse they received from a viewer without a licence was: "I don't watch it. It's on for my dog. He watches it but I'm not paying for him."

A bit theatrical

THAT great Scottish actress Maureen Beattie is to appear in a trilogy of plays entitled Interference which will be staged by the National Theatre of Scotland in an unused office suite in the old Wills tobacco factory in Dennistoun. Maureen was once asked by our colleague Brian Beacom when she was not performing, and she replied: "Only when I'm asleep." She then gave an example of having an argument with a boyfriend at the time when she was appearing in a play about a couple splitting up. Her then boyfriend halted her harangue to point out to her she was merely repeating lines from the play.

Oh, Gilly

A FINAL Burns Night story before tonight's festivities. A Diary chum was recalling a Burns supper at Oran Mor in the west end of Glasgow when actor Gilly Gilchrist had the audience, including 40 Americans, entranced with his spirited rendition of Rattlin' Roarin' Willie. The Americans were particularly amazed by the richness of Burns' language including the memorable line "Farting wi' his piddle". Alas, Gilly had to confess that he had been attempting the correct line, "Parting wi' his fiddle" but his tongue got the better of him.

She's toast

WE wonder how many folk can identify with stand-up James McNicholas who gave this insight on relationships: "My wife unplugs our toaster every time she gets something out of it because she's scared of electricity. So every time I try to toast something, I forget, and put bread in only to come back after two minutes to find untoasted toast and, honestly, I think this might be what ends our marriage."

Party time

TODAY'S piece of daftness comes from writer Andrew Chamings who says: "Make parties more interesting by telling strangers, 'I want you to know that I personally have no problem with you being here'."

To dye for

A TABLOID newspaper reported this week that Sir Paul McCartney's hair is now a bright silvery white after he decided to admit his age and stop dying it a, quite frankly, unnatural chestnut colour. Or as a reader explained it to us: "The former Beatles star used to dye, with a little help from his friends, but now it's can't dye me love."