Slipped it in

FORMER Motherwell and Manchester United player Brian McClair passes on: "I was in a bar where the female bar attendant proclaimed, 'It’s 13 weeks until I’ll be bathing in Greece, I can’t wait'. A lad at the bar piped up, 'Ye don’t need to wait that long – I’ve got a bath of grease in the garage'."

Oh brother

YES, Burns Night suppers are still going strong. Just two nights ago it was the turn of Scottish members of the European Parliament who held a charity supper in Brussels with Scottish Secretary David Mundell as guest speaker – a snip at €100 a ticket. Jack Irvine tells us: "Two of the guests were the former Rangers enfant terribles, Sandy and James Easdale. One senior Tory guest commented that the Greenock-born brothers, who learned their early negotiating skills in their father’s scrapyards, should be let loose on Messrs Barnier and Junker and the Brexit negotiations would be tied up in 10 minutes.

"After leaving the event in the top restaurant L’Atelier Europeen, big brother Sandy commented, 'It’s a remarkable place. Everybody speaks English, except James, but I translated for him'.”

Relatively speaking

SCOTTISH Justice Secretary Humza Yousaf was reminiscing this week after the sad death of Bashir Ahmad, Scotland's first Muslim member of the Scottish Parliament. He recalled: "I had known Bashir since I was a kid – to me he was 'uncle' Bashir. We were not related, this is a common term of deference in our culture. When I started working in Parliament, a security guard heard me call him uncle and said to Bashir, 'Aw, Bashir, is that your nephew?'

"I was about to clarify but before I could say anything he took my hand, and with that wonderful smile he had, he said to her, 'No, he is my son'."


THE quirks of having an identical twin. As Malcolm Boyd in Milngavie tells us: "I was telling a friend that I had an identical twin brother. She did not believe me. To prove the point I showed her a photo of my twin brother standing beside Roger Daltrey of The Who, taken while on a back stage tour. Looking at the photo she exclaimed, 'Your brother looks nothing like you!' 'That’s Rodger Daltrey' I had to point out.

Singled out

OUR mention of the sad death of former Radio Clyde presenter Mike Riddoch reminds former Rogano head chef Andy Cumming: "When I was at Rogano the underground kitchen could only get Clyde 2 reception. No other station. So Mike Riddoch became a legend to our 20-strong kitchen brigade. On his breakfast show he played songs on the Golden Hour and you had to guess the year. We became infamous as the Rogano Rock Steady phoning in every day and getting it right. We did, though, have a copy of the Guinness Book of Hit Singles in the staff toilet. Mike Riddoch you were the best."

Love it

WE asked for your Valentine's Day stories and John Patton tells us he was talking to a Clackmannanshire headteacher who had talked at the school assembly about Valentine's Day and he encouraged pupils to show practical manifestations of love – tidying bedrooms, hanging up coats, washing dishes and so on. A teacher later showed him one of her seven-year-olds newsbook in which she had written: "The headteacher showed us how to make love and then we said a prayer."

Politics today

WE always like a heavy dose of sarcasm in The Diary, and after the headlines about naughty Tory MP Ross Thomson, Rory Stewart, with memories of Alex Salmond we suspect, remarks: "Regardless of your opinion of Ross Thomson, I'm sure we can all agree, the case for the union has been irreparably damaged. There simply can be no union until this case is dealt with. Etc. Etc."

By a whisker

TODAY'S piece of whimsy comes from Shannon Dingle who says: "Ever since someone pointed out the 'meow' in the middle of homeowner, I haven’t been able to read it the same way."