What a catch

FOOTBALL fans are mourning the passing of stalwart Rangers and Scotland captain Eric Caldow. Entertainer Andy Cameron recalls: "Eric was a lovely man. Many years after he missed the penalty in the 1961 Cup Winners Cup Final I was sitting at a Rangers do when somebody came up and asked him why the referee had allowed the Fiorentina goalkeeper to come so far off his line before the kick was taken and Eric told him, 'I don’t ken why, but if the goalie had been any closer I’d have thought he fancied me'."

Picture this

AH, going out on the pull. Irish journalist Aoife-Grace Moore remarked this week: "God grant me the confidence of the man on a stag do in Sligo, who tried to chat me up, and once I told him I was engaged, moved onto my mammy beside me and opened with, 'Is her father in the picture?'”

Any other chat-up lines we should know about?

Not a prayer

IT was the beginning of Lent yesterday. A few weary folk may agree with Ryan Cagle who simply said: "For Lent, I'm just giving up."

Suspicious minds

A READER having a pint in London yesterday was watching the news on the pub telly when the newsreader announced that Glasgow University had been evacuated after a suspicious package had been found. "What? A salad?" said a toper further up the bar.

THOSE WERE THE DAYS - 1959: The driving rain can’t dampen the pleasure of classic cars

Heads up

OUR tales of how to address teachers remind Amy Kinnaird in Ayrshire: "My mother, born in 1911 and who attended the village school in Annbank, Ayrshire, used to speak about the pupils' wariness of their teacher, Ronald McArthur. She told me that when they were about to close for the summer holidays, he wished them a happy holiday, and to come back to school with more sense in their heads. The children dutifully replied, 'The same to you, Sir!'"

Check it out

WE can imagine a few folk sympathising with a husband who commented the other day: "My wife has this app on her phone that notifies her the second I’ve finished checking out at the supermarket, so that she can then text and ask me to pick up one more thing – apparently."

Butter them up

ANYONE who grew up with boisterous brothers and sisters will recognise the comment well-known Glasgow restaurateur Guy Cowan makes in the recently published Glasgow and West Coast Cook Book in which he states: "I have had a passionate love affair with my lunch ever since I was able to use my cutlery to prevent raiding siblings from pillaging my vittles." Author of the book, which is full of recipes from top city restaurants, Paul Trainer, says the hardest bit of compiling it was when chefs would say "A dod of butter" or a "handful of raisins" for the recipes and he had somehow to translate it into exact amounts.

A bit rude

WE put up the lights on our stories about sneaking into adult films with David Martin telling us: "The Vic Cinema in Dundee had a reputation for showing adult films in the early 80s. However, they also showed the only movie The Clash appeared in, and the pavement outside was choc-a-bloc with punks, with one rather seedy-looking elderly gentleman who saw the poster for the film, Rude Boy, and the 'X' rating and didn't quite get what he was looking forward to."