Own goal

OUR mention of the racehorse Bellshill running in the Gold Cup on Friday reminds a reader of his favourite story about the Scottish Bellshill. A youth magazine in Lanarkshire years ago was profiling General Election candidates, and listed under the Tory candidate in Bellshill, Stuart Thompson, that his "Links with Motherwell'' were: ''Has seen Motherwell Football Club playing on Sportscene''.

Reading the signs

GROWING old, continued. A Renfrewshire reader tells us: "When I was a teenager I was daftly proud of the fact that I was a dab hand at folding a map back up properly. I would watch folk struggle, calmly hold my hand out, and have it done in seconds. And now no one ever produces a paper map."

In the frame

THE children's charity Variety Scotland is holding a fund-raising Ladies Luncheon at Mar Hall in May with Kate Robbins, singer, comedian, actor and voice-over artist entertaining the guests. It brings to mind of course Kate's story she told at the Edinburgh Fringe of being introduced to Princess Anne at a charity show. During the pre-show line-up, Anne chatted briefly with Kate and asked the question that royals have asked ordinary people for decades: "And what is it that you do for a living?" "I'm an impressionist," said Kate. "Do you have an exhibition on anywhere?" Anne asked.

Cunning plan

INTERESTING tale by former Doctor Who actor Tom Baker in the Radio Times about appearing on Blackadder with Rowan Atkinson. Said Tom: "He was so anxious – he wasn’t very fun to work with. He took me aside and said, 'I’m very experienced in this and the part you’re playing here, this sea captain, I think you’re actually doing too much. I think he should be as boring as you can make him.”

"So, we then had the final run-through, and I did this boring routine, and the producer asked if I was ill. I said, 'No, I’m just taking in the notes from your boss.' And he said, 'Tom, he gives those same notes to the visitors every week.' Weird isn’t it? A comic genius and yet he has these anxieties.”

Bottoms up

A DIARY reader opined last week that there was nothing worse than a cold public toilet seat - apart from a warm one. Reader Dallas Carter comments: "A worse toilet seat than a cold or warm one is a wet one."

A handbagging

OUR story about what grandchildren say to you reminded a reader in Bearsden: "We dropped in to see our daughter and our grandson saw I had a scratch on my forehead which was bleeding slightly and he excitedly asked me how I had got my scar. Part of me wanted to impress him with some tale about chasing a bank-robber rather than telling him the truth that his grandmother had done it while getting in the car and throwing her handbag onto the backseat."

Shopped

TODAY'S piece of whimsy comes from a reader who emails: "It’s now got to the stage where me and the wife have gone our separate ways and will be spending a considerable time apart for the indefinite future.

"She’s shopping for shoes."

Worth the watching

A READER hears a young chap in his local at the weekend tell his pals that he was fed up with his girlfriend as she was never keen on going out, and just wanted to stay in watching the telly. The young chap continued: "I eventually told her that I thought we should see other people. She asked me if it was on Netflix."