In a flap

CAT lovers will totally understand what our health minister did, while non-cat lovers will shake their heads in disbelief. We simply pass on a magazine interview with Scottish health minister Jeane Freeman when she was asked about her pet cat Tosca - a black cat with a malevolent glare if its picture is anything to go by - and what the most ridiculous thing she has ever done for her pet. Jeane replied: "We head butted a cat-flap. It took Tosca six months to work out the cat-flap after many weeks of personal demonstrations until she caught on."

Still, makes a nice change no doubt from banging your head against the brick wall of trying to make Scots a bit healthier.

Horsing around

OUR stories about the expensive racehorses at the Cheltenham Festival reminded Ian Cooper: "Years ago, when I was involved with social events at West of Scotland Football Club, I received an anxious phone call on the day after our annual dinner, from the older brother of a young player, whose parents were frantic with worry. Apparently he vaguely recalled writing a cheque to purchase a half share in a racehorse, but he had not noted from whom or for how much, nor could he remember. After much winding up, I was able to relieve the anxious family by assuring them that the fellow would no doubt have shared in the £5 purchase of a horse, in the forthcoming fund raising ‘Race Nite’."

Fly guy

AND somehow we went from racehorses to horse-drawn trams. Says reader Margaret McIntyre: "As a very young girl I loved hearing my Grandfather tell how he would always jump off the horse drawn tram at the corner of his Bridgeton street. Come electrification he automatically did the same on the faster trams and fell 'flat on ma kite'. As he limped home he was followed by a posse of urchins all urging him to 'dae that again, mister!'"

Write on

GROWING old, continued. Myra Gardner in Glasgow makes the point: "It's the time when you feel it is a good idea to keep sending letters to The Herald Letters page or items to The Diary as a way of letting your friends know you are still alive."

Cock up

WE really should end our old school tales with Robert Gardner telling us: "Our class in school all got lines because someone drew a male appendage with a wax stick on the board. When the teacher went to wipe it away all the chalk came off the duster and stuck to it making it very visible."

Monkeying around

IN trepidation we return to Brexit with Kenny Hardie in Stewart telling us: "Small ad spotted in a newsagent's near Westminster - 'Brexit solution - Required - An infinite number of typewriters. I've already got the other pre-requisite'."

Making a point

THE tragic events in New Zealand has brought the media spotlight on right-wing terrorists. A reader emails to ask: "How can anyone who's ever seen an episode of the Jeremy Kyle Show on television actually believe in white supremacy?"

Sitting comfortably

A GLASGOW reader swears he heard a woman in a coffee shop at the weekend tell her pal: "My husband paid for one of these DNA tests to find out your ancestry. I asked him if it confirmed that he was 60% sofa."