Alex at the door

OUR sports pages reported that Scotland boss Alex McLeish is on the verge of being sacked. Always had a good sense of humour Alex. When he was presenting an award to Glasgow nightclub owner James Mortimer, Alex noted that the theme that evening was James Bond and reminded the audience that the advertising slogan for The Man with the Golden Gun was, "One shot cost a million dollars." Added Alex: "I signed a few like that."

My memory also recalls Alex, in a black suit, being interviewed by the BBC's Chick Young, also in a black suit, outside an office in Park Circus. As they were chatting, a couple of punters came up the stairs, and trying to be helpful Alex told them: "Lads, it's no a pub." Assuming Alex was a bouncer they protested: "Are you no letting' us in?" We can see the imposing McLeish as a doorman, but quite how they imagined the diminutive Chick in such a role is harder to fathom.

Moving speech

MOTHER'S Day this Sunday, so get those flowers bought. As one mother remarked the other day: "My 25-year-old daughter has texted to ask me what I wanted for Mother's Day. Would it be bad form to reply with, 'For you and your boyfriend to move out?'"

Give us a break

SORRY, can't ignore Brexit. Reader John Henderson points us towards the German paper Die Zeit which imagined it as a TV series and declared: "Yesterday’s twist was the best yet: first the unloved PM offers to go, then MPs seize the initiative and it seems the tide may be turning. But wait... In the end, it turns out they can agree on – absolutely nothing. So, cue uproar in the House, and the credits start running. ‘Order,’ roars John Bercow. Please do not adjust your set: we’ll be back right after the break.”

Mum's the word

AT a slight tangent, Sofie Hagen states: "My friend sent me a photo of her with Theresa May. I thought this was very weird. They looked so happy together. I said, ‘I can’t believe you could smile standing next to such an evil woman.’ Anyway, long story short, it was her mother."

And a reader emails: "After two years of Trump making their nation the laughing stock of the world, Americans can finally breathe a sigh of relief. The countdown to Prime Minister Boris Johnson has begun."

Took it on chin

GROWING old, continued. Says a reader in Rutherglen: "I have reached the age where I tried to flick something white which had caught in my beard, but it didn't move. Turns out my beard is turning white."

Winning ways

A GLASGOW reader swears to us he heard a woman on his bus into town tell her pal: "My husband would win gold in the Lazy Olympics – if he could ever bother getting off his backside to enter them."

Roll with it

OUR readers reminiscing about the Dennistoun Palais include Brian Logan who says: "I used to go to the Dennistoun Palais in the sixties after it became Rollarena. I remember flying round the floor on roller skates to the sound of Englebert Humperdinck, Tom Jones and The Monkees. Then I’d cross Duke Street to the Rendezvous Cafe which sold possibly the best ice cream on the planet. It fair takes me back."

Growing problem

STILL, at least the weather is getting a bit better, but even there folk are having problems. As Justin Staggs put it: "You're not going to believe this, but at some point over the winter someone broke into my house and swapped all my spring clothes with slightly smaller, tighter replicas."