What a sentence

OUR story about newsreader Jackie Bird's son writing in his school-book that his mum put on make-up to go out and work at night reminded retired cop Willie Mclean in Dumbarton: "When I returned from a senior course at the Scottish Police College at Tulliallan, I was reading my daughter’s school diary. She had written, 'My dad is just back after doing six months'. I could not wait to get to the PTA meeting to tell her teacher that the six months were not at Barlinnie."

That's a wipe

A GREAT film out just now is Wild Rose, filmed in Glasgow and written by award-winning local writer Nicole Taylor. Apart from the enjoyable story and singing, it's always good fun to spot the Glasgow locations, including the Silverburn shopping centre. As the British Film Institute revealed this week: "Striving for authenticity took the filmmaking team to such lengths they shot a scene where a despondent Rose-Lynn gets a job cleaning café tables at the city’s Silverburn shopping centre. They couldn’t get permission to film there, but true to Glasgow’s rebellious spirit, shot the scene from a distance anyway, only for the café manager to stop Buckley cleaning with a terse, 'What are you doing?'"

A spectacle

GROWING old continued. As BBC Scotland home affairs correspondent Reevel Alderson points out: "The current fad for putting mobile phone messages and social media posts on screen to move TV plots along is clearly a young person’s idea. They are never shown long enough for me to ask my wife where my glasses are."

Milking it

OUR stories about unusual drink combinations remind a former publican: "We owned a pub at Machrihanish, located just before you fall off the world in Kintyre. I fondly remember one of our ‘regulars’ would come in and order, the first of several, Blackheart rum ‘n’ cokes with a half of heavy. One night as he arrived he said he had been told by the doc that he had a stomach ulcer and should be careful with his drinking, so he ordered his half of heavy, dark rum – but to be on the safe side could he have it with milk instead of coke."

Read more: Not even the rain can mar the 'Glasgow 800' celebrations

Not stumped

ENGLAND are playing Pakistan in a series of one-day cricket internationals next month. Comedian and quiz champion from The Chase Paul Sinha told his audience at the Stand comedy club in Glasgow recently that he is a cricket fan, but as his family is from India he is sometimes asked the question: "Who do you really support, England or India?" Said Paul: "The answer to that is really easy – whoever is playing Pakistan."

Hard to swallow

FOLLOWING on from our stories about Scottish banknotes being rejected in England, Ian Craig in Strathaven tells us: "Whilst attending a training course in London the local hostelry refused to accepted Scottish notes. On the last evening of the course I ordered four pints of Guinness and tendered a £20 Bank of Scotland note. This was refused. I similarly refused the four pints and walked out. Justice served."

Lectured

A POINT to ponder from Joe Hullait, writer of the very funny Scots Squad TV series. Says Joe: "Just did a talk at Glasgow Uni and none of them had those Glasgow Uni accents you all do when impersonating Glasgow Uni folk."

Very apeeling

TODAY'S piece of daftness comes from Paul Eggleston who declares: "It's more romantic to say 'bouquet' rather than 'bunch'. That's what I told my wife when I gave her a bouquet of bananas on our anniversary."