CLIMATE change is the hot topic – pardon the pun – and with it comes a whole new vocabulary to digest.

Have you come down with a dose of flygskam? Symptoms include guilt and embarrassment. Most specifically about the detrimental environmental effects of air travel.

The latest Scandinavian buzzword (Swedish in this case) to tap in to the zeitgeist translates as "flying shame". There's also "tagskryt" (train bragging) and "att smygflyga" (to fly in secret).

Yet, it's not only the Swedes who are feeling remorse about their carbon footprints. The Finnish have apparently invented the word "lentohapea", the Dutch say "vliegschaamte" and the Germans "flugscham", all referring to a feeling of shame around flying.

The hashtag #StayOnTheGround has been trending on Twitter (the 16-year-old Swedish environmental activist and Nobel Peace Prize nominee Greta Thunberg is among the vocal proponents of this sentiment).

It appears to be proving persuasive. Air travel in Sweden went down 4.5 per cent in the first quarter of 2019. Swedavia AB, which operates 10 airports including Stockholm and Gothenburg, has seen year-on-year passenger numbers drop for seven consecutive months.

As for these shores? Um. Well, plans trundle on for a third runway at Heathrow despite the airport already being the biggest single source of CO2 emissions in the UK. Other airports undergoing expansions or with plans to do so include Edinburgh, London City, Luton, Stansted and Birmingham.

A woman whose back garden adjoins the perimeter of London Southend Airport in Essex revealed earlier this week that the relentless expansion there has seen aircraft idling for up to 20 minutes on a taxiway just metres from her property.

And then there was the fervent excitement as the A380 – the largest passenger aircraft in service today – began flying into Glasgow a fortnight ago. Yup, nothing like a big fuel-guzzling plane to set the world alight. Quite literally.

Elsewhere, some bright spark coined a petition urging McDonald's to return to using plastic straws. The reasoning? People don't like the way the paper equivalent can go soggy in their mouths. I'm certain sea turtles aren't fond of the plastic versions getting stuck up their nostrils either.

Take a drink

MOJITO-gate rumbles on with word that shadow home secretary Diane Abbott has inadvertently sparked a sales boost on pre-mixed cans of the rum-based cocktail.

Some M&S stores have reportedly sold out of mojito drinks only days after a photograph emerged of Abbott sipping one on a London train. At 1pm in the afternoon no less. *Clutches pearls*

Abbott later tweeted that she was "sincerely sorry" for drinking alcohol on the TfL network, something that has been illegal since 2008.

An MP enjoying a fun-sized alcoholic beverage on public transport is surely the least of our political worries. What with Brexit still limping on like an under-prepared runner in the London Marathon and indyref2 limbering up on the start line.

Nonetheless some social commentators have been baying for blood. There has been much hand-wringing and I'm sure more than a few people disappointed that Abbott is not currently languishing behind bars for her perceived misstep.

Are there murkier mud-slinging forces at play here? I reckon there would have been little to no outcry if it had been beer-swilling Nigel Farage tippling on the train. The MEP and leader of the Brexit Party is rarely without a pint – often the ye olde England tankard variety – in his hand.

The rush for canned mojitos comes only weeks after M&S own-brand gin and tonic cans experienced a 24 per cent rise in sales, credited to a character in the hit BBC drama series Fleabag quaffing one.

I'm not sure what this says about the state of the nation. But I like the cut of its jib.

A beardy backlash

IT'S official: beards are bad. A study has found that the average man's beard has more human-pathogenic bacteria lurking than the dirtiest part of a dog's fur.

Researchers analysed skin and saliva samples from 18 bearded men (whose ages ranged from 18 to 76), and fur and saliva samples from 30 dogs (breeds ranging from schnauzer to German shepherd) at several hospitals across Europe.

The study was devised to discover whether there was a risk of humans picking up a disease from dogs if they used the same MRI scanner.

The results, originally published in the journal European Radiology, found that all the men had high microbial counts, while seven had bacteria which were hazardous to human health. Only 23 of the dogs had high microbial counts, with the rest being moderate.

Long story short: it's fine for dogs to use human MRI machines. Still, if you were a dog, would you really want to after reading this?

Unexpected voice in the bagging area

IF things are going to go awry at the self-service checkout, I want to be chided to "place the item in the bagging area" by a bog-standard, disembodied robotic voice.

Not Ant and Dec, Alesha Dixon or Amanda Holden who M&S have pressed into action as part of a promotion for the next series of Britain's Got Talent.

Nor Poundland's themed voices which variously include an Elvis Presley impersonator, a ghoulish-sounding entity at Halloween, a jolly Santa for Christmas and whiny-sounding kids at Easter.

A recording of a TV personality asking me to scan my loyalty card or a bland seasonal caricature requesting that I select a payment method is not funny, quirky, soothing – or anything in the ballpark of pleasant.

It is an unnecessary gimmick and up there on the teeth-gnashing scale with those who use Ks instead of Cs on signage (we're talking Kool Kutz, Klassy Kars and such like).

These aren't the droids I was looking for.