Horsing around

THE news story about St Andrews being named Britain's third best university has us reminiscing about previous university stories, including the student in Glasgow's Campus bar telling his pals that he thanked his gran for the thirty quid she had sent him at Christmas by telling her he'd spent it on a jumper. "It seemed easier than saying I'd put it all on my Ladbrokes phone account."

A no brainer

WHEN Cardonald College merged with Anniesland and Langside colleges to form Glasgow Clyde College it reminded us of when the late great Glasgow students' charity magazine Ygorra made reference to a student "who was so stupid he would have difficulty obtaining entrance to Cardonald College". It was claimed the college principal complained and was given the retraction "Ygorra accepts that no student is so stupid that he or she would be refused admission to Cardonald College."

Buzzing

A READER once claimed he went to visit his student son in Dundee and, reaching the student flats, wasn't sure if he was pressing the right buzzer, so he asked the person who answered: "Does Davey live here?" He was concerned about the reply of: "Aye. Just leave him there and we'll come down and collect him.”

Heart attack

ACTRESS Julie Walters told us at a Herald book event that she originally trained as a nurse before acting, but never felt entirely comfortable in the job. This was brought home to her on night duty on a coronary ward when a heart monitor emitted a piercing note. Before she could react, a medical student leaped over the side of the bed and started pummelling the heart of the patient – a large Irish chap who sat up with a start and abruptly punched the medical student's lights out. It was then they discovered that the lead which had been attached to him had merely come off.

Getting fresh

AFTER a Freshers' Fayre at Aberdeen University where competing organisations were trying to sign up new students, an attendee told us: "The Polish society didn't turn up, so the German society expanded and took over their stall." She added: "You couldn't make it up. Needless to say ourselves and the French society sat back and watched it happen.”

Out of puff

MANY of the halls of residence for Glasgow University are up in Maryhill. A student who was staying there once told us he was walking along Maryhill Road when a wizened-looking chap asked him if he could spare a fag. "I don't smoke," replied the student. "So you're not fae Maryhill then?" the chap opined.

Wiped out

WE heard about a Milngavie teenager who moved to a student flat in Glasgow and asked his mum how to cook a meal as he had a new girlfriend coming round for dinner. Afterwards his mum phoned to ask how the meal went, and he told her: "Not so great. She wanted to wash the dishes." "What's wrong with that?" asked his mum. "It was before I'd served the food," he explained.

Married life

A STUDENT working evenings in a Glasgow call centre told us that when he asked one caller about her marital status, she replied: "I guess we're as happy as any couple these days.”

Bitter pill

WE ARE told about the Edinburgh couple asking their student son to come with them to visit his gran, but he was whining that he didn't want to go as he had nothing in common with the old lady. "I don't know about that," his dad told him. "You both take drugs, and I would never let either of you drive my car."