Herald Diary: Fitba crazy, and a brief encounter with alcohol

If Liverpool go on to win the European Championship, Jurgen Klopp will be regarded as one of their greatest managers, alongside Scotland's Bill Shankly of course. The book Scottish Sporting Legends told of Shankly berating forward Tony Hateley for his lack of talent. Defending himself, Tony declared: "You have to admit I'm great in the air." But Shankly tartly replied: "I'll grant you that son, but so was Douglas Bader, and he had two better legs than you'll ever have."

Driven to it

MORE on student days, as John Crawford in Lytham recalls: "Years ago I was on a packed train travelling to Glengarnock. The only vacant seat was beside a drunk who took several swigs from a half-bottle, before offering me a swig that I politely declined. On learning I was at Strathclyde he said, 'I bet you're one of these students that only drinks beer?' I agreed. He then pulled out a can of Tennent's, tore off the ring-pull, took a deep swig and said, 'This one's yours'. It was only with some difficulty that I managed to convince him that my car was parked at the station – it wasn't – and I never took drink when I was driving."

Trumped

THE New York Times reported that President Donald Trump had personal business losses of more than $1 billion over a 10-year period from 1985. We asked one of his supporters in Newton Mearns to comment and he replied: "You see, I told you he was a billionaire."

Bottled it

IT sounds complicated, but the Scottish Government announced it is going ahead with plans to introduce a deposit scheme of 20p on plastic and glass drinking bottles as well as cans. No doubt grandfathers will be reminiscing with their grandchildren about making a fortune collecting bottles at football grounds after the games – although you had to be careful with any full of a warm liquid. One reader even told us about his local shop only taking back bottles they had sold, and to prove it, would have them stamped with their own sign. Enterprising kids would cut a similar stamp out of a potato, dip it in ink and recreate the sign on any bottle. We think the film The Great Escape had a lot to answer for.

Speedy response

HAVE been dodging a certain colleague for a while but he came over yesterday and declared: "I'm doing a story on rejected questions from Scottish examination papers. One of them began, 'A car is going at constant speed of 70mph on the M8 from Glasgow to Edinburgh.' I mean, on what imaginary universe is it in?"

Under pressure

WE mentioned the enjoyment men get from using a pressure hose in the garden. A reader phones to tell us: "Yes, they are good fun – until you are almost finished washing the patio and the wife comes home and bursts your bubble by asking you to show her the bit you think is done."

Hard to face

AFTER The Herald news story yesterday that said people are having less sex these days, a reader phones to explain: "I blame all these pictures of Nigel Farage on the television news."