MOTHERWELL have announced the signing of Danish player Casper Sloth. We can't help thinking there might be a financial motive in doing so as a Motherwell fan immediately commented: "My son's a student who says he has too many projects to work on so he can't get a job over the summer break. Think I know what club shirt to buy him for next season."

Sweet Lord

CRITICS can be harsh in Glasgow. Deedee Cuddihy was listening to a busker playing a sitar in Buchanan Street when a passer-by told his mate: "Aye George Harrison – if George came frae Springburn."


SAYS BBC Scotland journalist Andrew Picken: "Someone at my mate's work said they were 'going to play devil's avocado on this one' and nobody corrected him. Tremendous."

Making a splash

THE good weather continues. But we have a warning from Brian Donohoe in Ayrshire, who says: “I passed a reservoir yesterday where the water level was really low. I fear Scottish Water will shortly announce a hosepipe ban which, as we all know, is the inevitable forewarning of a wet summer here in Scotland.”

Got my vote

SOME discussion amongst fans of the fantasy TV series Game of Thrones that the ending was not to their liking. As Danny comments however: "Sorry if the TV series you have been watching for so long didn't finish the way you wanted. That happened to me with the 2015 General Election."

Take your pick

WE mentioned the late Lanarkshire minister Moses Donaldson, who was originally a miner, and Anne Brown in Dalgety Bay recalls: "My father worked beside Moses in Ponfeigh Colliery in Douglas Water. There were three men who worked together in the pit at that time – Moses, Jeremiah (O'Leary) and Joseph (Henderson) – a biblical trio if ever there was one. There was no swearing when they were around."

Listen up

OVER in Bearsden, Iain Maclean tells us: "I felt I had to share with you a conversation I heard in a Glasgow hospital waiting room this morning. The hushed atmosphere was broken by an elderly man speaking very loudly. His daughter berated him, saying, 'Be quiet, Dad, there's some people here are nae weel'. To which the swift response was, 'Ah'm nae weel either. Ah'm deif'. Only in Glasgow."

Put sock in it

A COLLEAGUE wanders over with that look on his face that he has a terrible joke to tell me. "Saw a neighbour nick socks off our washing line," he bellows before adding: "Was going to confront him.. but I got cold feet."

Medium rare

READER Drew Fleming insists on sending us a gag: “A visitor to the annual meeting of fortune tellers was struck by the acrimonious nature of the discussions. Every item of business brought angry reactions and disgruntlement from those with opposing views. Intrigued, the visitor asked his host, ‘Is it always like this – arguments all the time?’ ‘Oh yes,’ he replied, ‘Here there is no happy medium’.” Sorry about that.

Read more – 1953: Taking exception to the second Queen Elizabeth