Breaking the habit

THE things you see in Glasgow... Annie Shanahan tells us: "Sitting having our pints in The Griffin pub when two nuns walk in. They order food and two massive glasses of red wine. We were actually expecting them to go round with the collection tins so we’re slightly puzzled, and actually quite impressed, until I have a brainwave and Google whether ‘Singalonga Sound of Music’ is on at the King's Theatre across the road. And it is. As you were."

Shelled out

WE asked about your restaurant mistakes, and Derek Miller in Torrance confesses: "More of a pub mistake than a restaurant one perhaps, but one evening, back in the eighties, I sat at the bar of a poseurs’ pub in Glasgow and ordered a trendy beer and some nuts. The barman advised that they only had pistachios, which were very sophisticated at that time. I sat crunching away, not wanting to lose face, but thinking they were the worst nuts of all time. 'Eh, you need to take them out of the shells mate', said mine host, trying unsuccessfully to stifle a snigger. Not my finest moment."

Mike drop

LABOUR MSP Neil Findlay has announced he is going to stand down at the next election. Our favourite story about left-winger Neil was when he interrupted the SNP's Mike Russell in the parliament and Mike loftily declared, in the way that he does: "When Neil Findlay intervened, we were hearing an echo of Tommy Sheridan talking about class war. I knew, and was not a great supporter of, Tommy Sheridan. Mr Findlay is no Tommy Sheridan."

But Neil had the last laugh as he replied: "The wife will be pleased!"

Timely remark

TALKING about the Labour Party, former party spin doctor Alistair Campbell has announced that he has already been expelled from the party for voting for the Liberal Democrats at the European Elections just on Thursday there. Comedy actor Matt Lucas pointedly remarked on social media: "Dear Labour, that was quick. Yours, a Jew."

Driven demented

GROWING old, continued. Says a Giffnock reader who wishes to remain anonymous: "When the police call you to say you have driven off from the petrol station without paying for your petrol, and then, following profuse apologies, you are informed by the sales person that you are in their system for having committed the same crime the previous year. Big beamer."

On the pull

GLASGOW private hire drivers will have to sit a test on their English and their knowledge of the city if new measures are agreed by Glasgow City Council’s licensing committee. Mind you, there can be language problems even if the driver is a native-born Glaswegian. A reader once told us he was in a Glasgow taxi with a colleague from London who was having difficulty opening the door. She seemed even more perplexed when the driver helpfully told her: "Pullrahonnelhen."

Wide-eyed

POINT to ponder as reader Graham Livingstone passes on: "A bit concerning to note from a communication offering my wife car insurance that, 'if you require this in large print or Braille please let us know'."

Wake-up call

NOT much fun in the Brexit shenanigans just now, but a reader tries his best by emailing: "I've just woken from a coma I've been in for almost three years. So, did Brexit go smoothly, then?"

Read more: Herald Diary: The jogger who thinks on her feet