Ordering a half
AH the banter on trains to Glasgow. Tom Rafferty was journeying from Ayr to Glasgow early on Saturday evening when he noticed that a few of the young folk were consuming alcoholic beverages – "prees" as they are known in common parlance, as in pre the more expensive pubs you are going to later. Says Tom: "The ticket collector was polite with the boys opposite me, who have cider and Mad Dog on the go, and who asked for"three halfs to Glasgow". He looked at the table and told them, 'Pay full fare or I'll need to take that cargo off you'."
Heavens above
OUR fake nun stories have brought forth a story about actual nuns. Says Dan Edgar in Rothesay: "Years ago, myself and a colleague, both young police officers in uniform were visiting a friend in the then Bon Secours Hospital in Glasgow’s south side. The nursing staff were nuns, who in those far-off days had the most elaborate of headwear, a large, white, almost winged affair. Without warning my colleague fainted, dropping like a stone. After a few moments he came round, being comforted by two nuns. The look of absolute terror on his face was incredible. He explained later that he thought he had died and was "now in Heaven". I assured him, as a policeman, that would have probably been unlikely."
Put the knife in
OUR restaurant disaster stories remind Russell Smith in Kilbirnie: "Congratulating myself at being streetwise and choosing a Chinese restaurant patronised by the locals in Hong Kong, we were pleased to find large mugs of tea free of charge in addition to the modest prices, although admittedly the tea was pretty weak and barely lukewarm. When putting our trays away we found they were actually receptacles for depositing our used cutlery in."
Tart response
A GLASGOW reader tells us he was in a bakery where an excitable woman in front of him spotted the cake display and declared to her pal: "I'd kill for a strawberry tart." The woman behind the counter replied: "We prefer cash."
Shelve it
ROY Gullane is over in the Netherlands, where he sees in the local news that the Emté supermarket chain has gone bust, and he couldn't help feeling that the name should have tipped folk off.
Takes the biscuit
CAN'T ignore the visit of Donald Trump to Britain. As one observer wrote: "Dear USA, quick! Change all the locks. We'll keep him distracted with shiny things."
And someone who studied the itinerary in detail noted that on his final day the President is due at Clarence House from 4.15 to 4.30pm to have tea with Prince Charles and Camilla, and remarked: "I’m not saying Prince Charles wants rid of the tangerine menace as soon as is humanly possible, but he’s allowed 15 minutes for tea, which in British terms is barely enough time to discuss the football at the weekend. Camilla won’t even need to get out the hobnobs."
Pitch perfect
ENJOYED the interview with band promoter Alan McGee which Teddy Jamieson penned in The Herald yesterday. Alan was speaking the other day in the entertainment venue St Luke's in Glasgow and was taking questions from the audience. As Alan said afterwards: "I suppose the most predictable question was about football. Rangers or Celtic? And I just went, ‘That’s why I left Glasgow’.” But actually he's a Rangers fan so it might have been Celtic's treble treble that really annoyed him.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here