Legging it

OUR story about the New York taxi driver being asked directions reminded Arthur Yaffy in Busby: "On holiday in Boston, we had arranged to visit the Museum of Fine Arts in the morning and in the afternoon go to Fenwick Park to watch a baseball game. On the map, these two places seemed to be quite close, so I thought that it would be convenient to park in the museum car park and later, walk to the baseball ground. When I parked at the museum I asked the attendant, 'Can we walk to the ballpark from here?' He replied, 'Sir, you can walk to California from here'.”

Takes the biscuit

CONGRATULATIONS to Tunnock's boss Boyd Tunnock being knighted. Boyd is of course a Unionist in his politics, and when Alex Salmond was First Minister a reader pointed out to us that "Tunnock's Tea Cakes" was an anagram of "No tae Eck! Nats suck!"

Park life

JUST another weekend in Glasgow. Panto star and comedian Johnny Mac passed on his observation from the city's west end: "Kelvingrove Park benches - one family enjoying a picnic of hummus and roast vegetables at one, while on another bench a guy is drinking a bottle of Buckfast while on the phone to his mate saying, 'No I can’t go back to Nicola’s flat - I’m just oot some burd's hoose and I’ve no showered'."

It's criminal

OUR mention of bus conversations in Glasgow made Maureen McRoberts in Hamilton recall: "Years ago while travelling on a very crowded bus, a friend further back shouted over to me, 'Aye your boy has been in there plenty of times'. We were passing Barlinnie Prison at the time, but he had failed to add that my boy was a criminal lawyer interviewing his clients. To this day I will never forget the look of sheer horror and disquiet on the lady sitting next to me. She actually stood up and found another seat."

Making a meal

MORE on unusual graces before meals as Eric Hudson passes on: "My favourite grace, and one which is reputedly also the favourite of Archbishop Tutu, is, 'Lord, in the desert you fed John the Baptist with locusts and wild honey. We give thanks for a more interesting menu'."


HARD to keep track of the mounting illegal drugs claims of Tory leadership contenders. As Michael Spicer puts it: "What next? Rory Stewart, 'I once stole a biscuit from a shop.' Then Jeremy Hunt, 'I stole a packet of biscuits from a larger shop.' Followed by Boris Johnson, 'I stole an assortment tin from a food bank on Christmas Eve.' And finally Michael Gove, 'I murdered the CEO of McVitie’s'."


THE Cricket World Cup being televised on Sky is bringing the sport to a new audience. When the Sky presenter talked about the West Indies team he referred to them in the vernacular as “The Windies” prompting reader Scott Colquhoun’s six-year-old son to ask his dad in some confusion: “How can you play cricket against windows?”

An age thing

GROWING old continued. A south side reader tells us: "I was asked my age the other day in a shop and my mind suddenly went blank. So I thought I would quickly subtract the year of my birth from this year, but then for a moment I couldn't remember what year it is just now. So I just guessed how old I was."