Cup runneth over
YES it was Father’s Day yesterday, and of course folk were on social media detailing how great their fathers are and expressing how much a difference their fathers make to their lives. But we prefer the honesty of one Scottish father who merely wrote: “Only had to text my girls four times to get them to bring me a coffee in bed. Happy Father’s Day.”

WE have mentioned how new electronic devices are changing the way we act around the house. As writer Nick Bilton revealed: “My four-year-old son, who has grown up watching us talk to Siri and Alexa, thinks you can talk to anything that has a screen or is plugged into the wall. This morning he told the toaster to order him a new Lego set.”

Out of puff
ALL this talk of politicians and their illegal drug habits reminds us of when Scottish LibDems’ leader Willie Rennie was asked about his indiscretions and he conceded that he had smoked cannabis while a student at university. “Do you still use it now?” he was then asked. “It might look like it, but I don’t,” he replied.
And a reader heard a chap in his local post office, perusing the leaflet on what you can or cannot post internationally through the Royal Mail, declare: “Vodka, whisky, ammunition, cannabis, cocaine, fireworks, flares, flick knives and pepper spray. Where I come from that’s got the makings of a right good party.”

Pushing it
SEXISM it seems is still alive and well in our Scottish golf courses. Norman McLean in Ayr tells us: “As four ladies appeared walking up the 18th fairway pushing their electric caddy cars, a member remarked, looking from the clubhouse window and in a lovely north accent, ‘Ah here comes the battery hens’.”

Stomach it
OUR quest for pithy graces should have included the late Rev Dr Bill Morris, the former minister at Glasgow Cathedral, who would always have one ready at the many functions he was invited to attend. Recalled Gordon Casely: “At one of the CBI Scotland dinners Bill’s grace included the verse, ‘O Lord, bless these thy victuals/May they add to Thy glory, and not to our middles’.”
A wash-out
TALES of supermarket delivery disasters take Janice Taylor in Carluke far further back in time when she tells us: “Over 50 years ago, when my sister was a baby, we lived about a mile from the shops and had no car, so my mother would phone her 
food order to the Westerton Co-op, who would then deliver it to the 
door – and people think this is a new thing.
“As an eight-year-old, one of my jobs was to check the order for my mum. Everything went well until I came to a tube of marzipan. We were puzzled by this as mum hadn’t ordered it (my dad and I hated the stuff) until we checked her original list and found she had ordered Napisan, a washing agent for cloth nappies. As the Napisan was essential, and the marzipan wasn’t, guess who was sent running to make the exchange?”

Plenty of room
A QUICK mention of Boris Johnson. Writer Richard Fleeshman sees a similarity between the round-faced Boris and comedy actor Matt Lucas and wrote on social media: “Seriously though... has anyone ever actually seen Matt Lucas and Boris Johnson in the same room?” 
Actor Matt himself replied: “No. Because I would leave that room.”