Don't sweat

WEATHER has been a bit strange over the last few days. Says reader Lynne Hendry: "Overheard in the Helensburgh branch of Waitrose:

pension-age gentleman, 'It's so clammy today I'm sweating.' Pension-age lady, 'Now you know what the hormonal menopause is like'."

Chic spotted

OUR stories about the legendary comedian Chic Murray vary from his gags to stories about meeting him, usually in Glasgow's west end where he lived for a while. As Donald Macaskill recalls: "I was standing in a Byers Road hostelry with friends when Chic Murray hove to and immediately commenced a vigorous knees-up exercise. Responding to a quizzical look, he ceased, pointed downwards at a blotch on the otherwise pristine pub floor and said, 'Spot, running thereon', and resumed his efforts. It all seemed quite logical at the time."

Baby steps

WE asked about your memories of the moon landing, 50 years ago next week. Says Dave Carson: "My son Steven is now 50 and at the time of the moon landing was a little baby. As I waited in the early hours for Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin to step out on to the moon’s surface he started to cry. I rushed upstairs and taking him from his cot brought him downstairs. I sat holding him in front of the TV and saying to him, 'Look son, this is history, men are about to walk on the moon for the first time'. I spoke to him recently about it but, not surprisingly, he doesn’t remember it."


THE news that the voice-operated gadget the Amazon Echo will now answer your medical questions with information from NHS sites, is not regarded by everyone as a good thing. Writer Aaron Gillies tries to imagine such a scenario and writes: "'Alexa... my heart'. 'Playing Achy Breaky Heart.' 'No... I'm having a heart attack'. 'Art Attack is a 90s children's TV show...' 'Alexa my arm is sore.' New alarm set for four.' 'Alexa for the love of God call me an ambulance'. 'Thank you, I will now refer to you as an ambulance'."

Drink to that

BRIAN Donohoe in Ayrshire asks: "Did you see the story in some of the tabloids about the woman in Hull who was explaining that she bought her children £250 worth of school uniforms for each of them as she wanted them to be smart? Perhaps of more concern should be the fact that they were named Tiamarie and Jackdaniels."

Play the game

GROWING old, continued. A Glasgow reader asks: "Why is it that when you are at a social gathering at a friend's, and someone suggests playing a game, and you say you don't know how to play it, you are suddenly confronted by seven people who all yell different rules at you all at once?"

Got to laugh

WE asked for your Edinburgh Fringe stories and a reader reminds us of the old Malcolm Hardee Award for Comedy which was given out every year. He told us that one female comedian appearing at The Counting House simply emailed the awards committee nominating herself and then had printed on her posters "Nominated for the Malcolm Hardee Comedy Award". Genius.

Has an angle

NOT seen a colleague who tells us terrible jokes for a while. But just when I breathe a sigh of relief at avoiding him, he emails me instead with: "The missus wants a dessert that leans at an angle of 3.99 degrees. Pisa cake."

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