Using his loaf

IT was Bastille Day yesterday, France's biggest day of celebration, and amongst folk reminiscing about holidays in France was one Scot who recalled: "My father-in-law on holiday pops down to the baker's to get some bread for breakfast. His French is poor, so he uses the point, smile and nod technique and, all going well, then sees a particularly tasty loaf in the window. The woman serving won't get the loaf though, and she says something in French. This continues for a few minutes until my exasperated mother-in-law, who speaks French, enters the shop. Turns out the poor shop-keeper had been bellowing, 'C'est plastique' at my hapless father-in-law to explain why he couldn't have the display loaf."

Any other French tales?

Sweet reply

NEARER home it has been the Fair Weekend here in Glasgow which reminds us of the elderly mum from Glasgow visiting her son in America during the Fair holiday and being asked on arrival at United States immigration: "Ma'am, do you have any meats, fruits or any other foodstuffs with you?".

"Aw, son" she replied sympathetically. "Ah huvny even a sweetie ah can gie ye."


GLASGOW city centre was awash this weekend with noisy, brightly-clad teenagers heading to the TRNSMT music festival at Glasgow Green. Not everyone was impressed by the fashions on show. As a lady called Dani exclaimed on social media: "Absolute nick of the folk heading to TRNSMT - a sea of neon, Lycra and glitter. Looks like a unicorn shat everywhere."

Got there

GROWING old, continued. Says Bob Jamieson: "Driving home from golf with a friend, we were discussing how many things we forgot each day. He responded by telling me that he had a system. Every night before he went to bed, he remembered three things that he would need next day. Keys, phone and... he couldn’t remember the third.

"Two hours later I received a text, which simply said, 'Wallet'."

Birthday surprise

WE asked for your Moon Landing memories and Stuart from Sauchie says: "Neil Armstrong & Co landed on the moon on my brother's fifth birthday. I recall my brother asking if they would do the same for his next birthday."

See you, Jimmy

PHILIP Hammond, the Chancellor, has apparently told colleagues that MPs could mount a Commons sit-in if Boris Johnson tried to force through a no-deal Brexit without parliamentary approval. Says reader John Henderson recalling a slice of Glasgow social history: "Phil Hammond, the unlikely modern-day Jimmy Reid. I can just picture him addressing the MPs, 'And there will be no hooliganism, there will be no vandalism, there will be no bevvying'."

Legged it

THE Evening Times reported that 21 medals belonging to the late Rangers star Bobby Shearer are being auctioned this week. We remember entertainer Andy Cameron telling us he was chatting to Bobby at Green's Playhouse in the sixties when a wee Glasgow wummin demanded of Bobby: "Hey you, lift up your trouser legs." Continued Andy: "He asked why and the wee wummin, who had, it's fair to say, imbibed somewhat, explained, 'Every time ma man comes in wi' a drink in him, he says ah've got legs like Bobby Shearer, an' ah want tae see whit they look like'."