Male delusion behind belief boys could take a point from Serena

One in eight men, playing their very best tennis, believe they could win a point off Serena Williams. I believe they couldn't win Ms William's used towel, her brow sweat mopped on it between games, if it was raffled off and only they had bought a ticket.

Imagine knowing of the 23-time Grand Slam winner's 129mph serve and, rather than thinking it would cleave their forehead in two, thinking, "Easy."

If you'll excuse me, I have a lunchtime drag race with Lewis Hamilton and expect to be spending the afternoon on the winner's podium with two young hunks and a bottle of Bolly.

But of course not, because I am a woman and women tend not to have outrageous expectations of grandeur in the face of their own mediocrity. Shamefully, three per cent of women asked the same question re: Ms Williams and a quick tennis version of a kick about said they too would take a point.

Still, it may not be zero but it's a darn sight better than one in eight.

We are in the grip of a highly visible spate of male self-aggrandisement. The President of the United States is an under-qualified, over-promoted balloon, telling congresswomen of colour that they should go back to where they came from. Dear God, let's hope they don't return the retort. If Trump arrives back to the Isle of Lewis we'll have to evacuate the islanders to safety.

We look certain to have Trump Lite as our next prime minister, a Latin-spouting Boris Johnson, inappropriate at every turn. The two men, with their caricature hairstyles, the Tweedledum and Tweedledee of transatlantic cousins.

When concerns are raised about closing the attainment gap or widening access in order to promote more young people from less well-off backgrounds and more women into senior positions, I often wonder why we're not having a top down conversation.

Why aren't we asking how we thin out the numbers of mediocre men squatting in positions that could be more ably occupied by those who have merit, not over-confidence and connections.

At the bottom of this masculine overachieving is a deep insecurity. An insecurity that comes from knowing men aren't really necessary. They are merely a decorative addition to the planet, their only purpose their reproductive aid to the female. Don't email me: it's science.

Last month scientists revealed that men would be unnecessary should we come to colonise Mars. Sperm, it turns out, suffers no ill effects from microgravity.

Researchers from Dexeus Women’s Health in Barcelona showed that once sperm is collected and frozen, it will survive quite happily the trip into outer space.

NASA has previously, according to Helen Sharman, the first Briton in space, looked into the optimum dynamics of crews in long-term space travel.

Its research found it was best to have all male or all female teams.

Women, it was found, would be the better option due to our superior cooperation skills.

The boys, you see, would all be fussing over who was in charge. While men are found to be better at short, goal-oriented missions, for a task as time consuming as colonising space, you need women.

We also take up fewer resources, given our typically smaller size so need less food, less oxygen and produce less waste. We suffer less from the worst physical side effects of spaceflight, such as sight loss.

Most importantly, you can't populate another world without the female of the species while the male's contribution can be stored for later use without the worst physical side effects of having to put up with men during the journey.

The future of humanity lies in an intergalactic matriarchy, and isn't that enough to make the menfolk inclined to overstate their worth?

The YouGov poll demonstrates women have a far greater grip on reality than men, perhaps because of constantly having to justify ourselves. Say, the American footballer Megan Rapinoe. Male footballers engage in a variety of outrageous behaviours but lads will be lads.

Ms Rapinoe fails to make eye contact with a fan as she signed a football and she's lambasted. In an attempt at charity, perhaps the men are demonstrating an impressive optimism.

But... optimism needs its basis in reality. Reach for the stars, yes. Blindly rely on the notion of male meritocracy? No.

There must be some part of the male psyche that realises that, while they try to undermine and belittle women, this is because they can't cope with the notion that women might be more than their equal.

On balance, though, I'd be perfectly happy for men to live in a fantasy world where they might beat a pre-eminent female sportswoman at her game based on nothing but self-delusion.

It might distract them just enough from the delusion they could successfully run the country.