Bin there

AH Glasgow life. A vignette from stand-up Janey Godley who explains: "Got woke up with the bin men at 8am. They have a new wee guy on the squad whose voice hasn’t broken yet, and he was shouting and swearing 'bants' to impress the gang – like a really nervous sweary Kate Bush, if Kate Bush was from Govan."

Pillow talk

WHAT can be said about the new Prime Minister? Many were not optimistic. As Lee Harvey put it: "Just had a shower and I still feel dirty. Boris Bloody Johnson. If a more sensible nation were to smother the UK with a pillow while we slept, I think it would be an act of kindness in the long run."

And Edinburgh Fringe performer Simon Caine explained: "If you listen really closely you can hear hundreds of political comedians rewriting their Edinburgh Fringe shows."

For those who are really pessimistic, bookies Paddy Power is offering amongst its political bets "UK Government to officially announce food rationing in 2019" at 12/1.

On the tiles

BRIAN Pendreigh's obituary of Rony Bridges in The Herald yesterday explained how a working-class lad from Springburn stumbled into acting. It reminded us of when Rony himself once told us: "What a week. Urgently needed a plumber and a tiler, but all too busy so went to a play in the west end. Who is in the audience? Our tiler. Who's in the play? Our plumber!"

Picture this

A READER in a Glasgow pub heard a group of younger customers discussing the TV licence, with one chap declaring he didn't have one and then adding: "I did get a letter from the licensing people at my flat which was addressed to 'Present Occupier'. I sent it back saying there was no one of that name residing there."


IAN Power tells us: "Just seen a white van signal, a cyclist stop at a red light, and a BMW driver allow someone out. Now looking skyward expecting to see a pig fly past."

Face the music

A READER who caught the train to Edinburgh from Glasgow tells us: "I'm beginning to think we were taught the game Musical Chairs as kids in order to prepare us for travelling on ScotRail."

Given the nod

GROWING old, continued. A reader in Cathcart observes: “I don’t understand when people say they have to ‘get ready’ for bed. I’m always ready for bed.”

And a reader out shopping in Glasgow overheard a pensioner say to his wife while looking in a shop window: "I remember when things only cost an arm."

Playing her song

MILNGAVIE girl Jo Swinson, MP for East Dunbartonshire, is the new leader of the Liberal Democrats. She originally held the seat, lost it to the SNP, then regained it. Our political contact tells us there was an indication of how determined she was during the period she was no longer an MP and was still attending the Lib Dem annual conference. She was DJing a disco during the conference and took great delight in playing the Chumbawamba song that goes: "I get knocked down. But I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down."

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