In the frying pan

WE asked about Glasgow discos, and a Jordanhill reader tells us: "I studied at the University of Glasgow in the late seventies. Friday or Saturday nights were frequently spent at either the Queen Margaret or the Union discos. On one such evening, a fellow female student was being pestered by a regular creep. When asked her name, she replied, 'Annie'. He then pursued this line of questioning and asked her surname. 'Slandcross' was the answer. Her phone number was requested and she provided the number of her local chippie at Anniesland Cross."

Naming ceremony

THE observation about new Scottish Secretary Alister Jack - never trust someone who can't spell their own name - sparked the contribution from George Smith in Clydebank: "Never trust anyone who does not use his first name - George Iain Duncan Smith, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, and Gideon Oliver Osborne, who for some reason stuck George in front of it."

Sporting chance

THE news story about the financial difficulties of cheap and cheerful retail chain Sports Direct reminds us of the female stand-up at Edinburgh Festival Fringe who declared: "Just got stopped and had my shopping checked at the door of a Sports Direct store like I was some sort of shoplifter. Trust me - if I was a thief I'd aim higher."

Bin there

NOISY bin men, and Steve Barnet in Gargunnock tells us: "I remember being in Raymond Terrace, New South Wales, Australia, in the early 90s. Our bins were emptied at 2am on Christmas morning. Try explaining to the children that 'No, it’s not Santa, go back to sleep!'"


GERRY Burke tells us of a debate on the Dunoon Facebook page about the price of Lorne sausage in a local butcher's shop with one customer arguing that half a block of lorne sausage should be exactly half the price of a full block of lorne. Turns out it isn't because of a discount for buying a whole block. Anyway, the debate continued to rage until the angry customer posted on the page that he was seeking someone to cut his grass, and what would they charge. Naturally everyone then asked if it was for the full lawn or a half lawn.


OUR stories about getting golf lessons reminded David Stubley: "Some years ago I went for a lesson with the golf pro at my club. After watching me hit balls for about 10 minutes he commented, 'Your problem is that your clubs are better than your golf'."

Tied up

MORE memories of the old HMS Carrick when it was moored in Glasgow and used as a posh club - David Green in Kelvindale recalls: "Hugh Nelson and I entertained Professor Ueli Walder from the ETH university in Zurich there. When its dress code was raised with the casually dressed Ueli, Hugh was able to bring a spare jacket and tie from the office. However there was quite a stir in the dining room when the 2.2m tall Ueli entered wearing a jacket loaned by the very much shorter Hugh with a tie over his roll-neck sweater.

"Years later when Hugh and I were in Zurich, Ueli booked lunch at the Kronnenhalle Restaurant, 'Its a very casual place, informal,' he said. And yes, at the entrance to the dining room dress was raised and Ueli just happened to have a coat and tie with him that Hugh could wear."

Weighty problem

GROWING old, continued. Says a reader: “When your pills purse is heavier than your actual purse.”