THE radicalisation of the young royals continues apace. It’s the most astonishing development. Where royals in the past were radicalised, it was always to the right. Now it is to the left.

The movement is led by Meghan Markle, Duchess of All Sussex, and her husband, Harry, a top prince. Meghan guest-edited the prestigious September issue (so-called because it comes out at the start of August) of Vogue magazine which, my researchers tell me, is the New Statesman of the fashion industry.

The controversial Duchess used the opportunity to promote her “woke” politics. I will be quite candid with you and confess I didn’t know what “woke” meant but, after asking some people in the street, it seems to apply to people who have awakened to the reality that life is a gender-imbalanced, racist, sexist Fourth Reich and that, as I understand it, something must be done.

The most immediately notable aspect of Meghan’s editorship is the cover, which features 15 women chosen in a “spirit of inclusivity” and for being “trailblazing change-makers, united by their fearlessness in breaking barriers”. Gosh. Poor barriers.

Inside, echoing Lenin, Meghan celebrates “the power of the collective” and tells readers: “You, too, are part of this collective.” Unlike Lenin, however, Meghan also channels her inner sea creature, quoting approvingly the words of an Anais Nin character: “I must be a mermaid, Rango. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.”

Rango? Nin? Depths? What can it all mean? Turns out the aforementioned Nin is an erotic writer, who was born in France, which probably explains it.

The duchess apologises for the capitalist adverts in the learned journal, saying they “just come with the territory”, as does her husband, who also features in the magazine, where he calls everyone a racist, something that they “learned from the older generation, or from advertising, from your environment”.

Even where this racism is unconscious, that’s no excuse, as we are all guilty until proven innocent and, like a woke Cheka or KGB, should be monitoring each other for lapses in which our inner fascist betrays us.

This is incendiary stuff, which has discombobulated the lieges bigly. The left, normally republican in outlook, has been completely wrong-footed. It should have seen the slogan on the wall after the Women’s Institute moved left some time ago, as did the Person (formerly Boy) Scouts and the Person (formerly Girl) Guides.

In an odd way, the Establishment has been moving further to the left than the left and, soon, we can expect to see Trotskyite bankers and a communist cell in every golf clubhouse.

On the right, meanwhile, fuddy – and arguably duddy – reactionaries have reacted with horror. They complain that Meghan’s cover doesn’t include Her Majesty, a queen, who is admittedly not very ethnically diverse, unless you count German.

They also point out nobody has heard of some of the “celebrities” featured and that this metropolitan world of high fashion with which Meghan identifies is less accessible to the ordinary peasant in the fields than is the Royal Family, who at least shake hands and wave at some of us from time to time.

It might be said that these carpers need to move with the times. But the times are skedaddling along at a fair pace. When it transpires that the royals are further to the left than the people and the political parties, a constitutional crisis could be in the offing.

And, if it further transpires that the institution of monarchy is brought down by a prince and a duchess, then all of us – on left and right – will be able to join together and say: “Isn’t life strange?”

A cure for baldness?

FROZEN follicles! Yes, you may laugh (looks out on a sea of grim faces atop folded arms), but the latest skirmish in the battle against baldness will see young men invited to freeze their follicles as an insurance policy against going bald.

It’s seen as something akin to women freezing their eggs so they can start a family when they’re older. The Human Tissue Authority – the what now? – has reportedly given a Manchester company permission to set up the world’s first hair bank.

It’ll set a young chap back £2,000, which most would reckon to be good value when set against the shame and guilt of baldness, which popular mythology attributes to moral laxity: every falling follicle represents a lewd thought.

It’s another sign of the fast rate at which the world is changing. Baldness was virtually unknown in Britain until around 1981 when some unknown event – possibly cosmic in origin – led to its rapid spread across western Europe.

Today, indeed, it’s relatively rare for a mature man to have any hair at all. But, soon, with frozen follicles, baldness could once more be erased from the Earth. Such exciting times that we live in.

Cyclist free zone

AFTER three months of temporary residence, I’m about to leave the wonderful city of Aberdeen, with its fine folk, who nearly match those of Perth for politeness and decency.

One real and welcome eye-opener here has been the relative lack of cyclists. There are hardly any, certainly compared to Edinburgh, where they bring danger to motorists and pedestrians alike on nearly every street.

Those you do see in Aberdeen nearly all cycle on the pavements. Seriously, I’d put it at about 90 per cent. It’s the same driving through villages in the surrounding county: always on the pavement.

In Edinburgh, to be fair, I’d say only around 10 per cent, or even lower, cycle on the pavements. Here, you find yourself slowing down for them in suddenly backed up traffic as soon as you arrive in the outer suburbs. I’ve seen them in Aberdeen, but cannot recall having to overtake one when driving along the city’s roads.

I’ve really been amazed by the difference between the two cities in this regard, and can only attribute it to the narcissistic hobby being more popular among the white, metropolitan elite that the capital attracts.