Wax Lyrical

Funny lady, Ruby Wax, recalls her first triumph at the Edinburgh Festival.

After getting exceedingly drunk, she staggered on stage to interview Michael Grade, head of Channel 4 at the time, and proceeded to fire obscene questions at him.

“As soon as it was over, they said I had my own comedy TV chat show,” said Ruby.

There you have it, sound advice for any professional eager to bag that dream job.

Get stocious. Get saucy. Get salary.

Political Circus

Co-leader of the Scottish Greens, Lorna Slater, revealed in yesterday’s Herald she’s a talented trapeze artist.

How many politicians can say they have such exotic skills?

Churchill was a journalist. But as every Herald scrivener knows, words on paper are a doddle.

Then there’s the Duke of Wellington. Before becoming PM he was a warrior, showing great aptitude for depleting the number of French-speaking people in the world.

Any other politicians with talents good, bad or abominable?

There must be at least one…

Space Ace

If Wellington had been more successful, there might have been no indomitable Frenchmen left, which would have meant no Franky Zapata. Franky is the brave soul who coasted across the Channel on a fly-board at the weekend.

Reader Emma Leach, from Cumbernauld, claims she completed an equally impressive feat. I told my grandson I could get twice round the block on a Space Hopper, back in the day,” she reports. Grandson wasn’t impressed. “Is a Space Hopper what they had before cars?” he enquired.

Dish to Deity

Josh Muir, from Dunoon, was holidaying in Morocco when he spotted Gordon Ramsay riding a donkey while filming a TV show.

The Scottish cook has an ego as towering as a chef’s hat, and Josh muses: “Perhaps Gordon’s chosen mode of transportation was a subtle hint he equates himself with a certain Biblical figure from down Bethlehem way?”

Belle and Beast

Airdrie gym owner and reality star, Anton Danyluk, has taken fellow Love Island contestant, Belle, on a date. They were joined in the restaurant by Belle’s dad, actor Tamer Hassan.

We hope Anton behaved himself, as Tamer is a sort of Hugh Grant figure of the thespian world… if Hugh Grant happened to be a muscle-bound ex-boxer who allegedly once pummelled Vinny Jones. In other words, Tamer met Anton for dinner. But he could easily have him for breakfast.

Hard to Swallow

Debbie Blake, from Ayr, enjoyed The Herald’s recent article about the food wars, and how each country claims to have the tastiest scoff.

Scotland never gets credit for creating a modern culinary classic,” points out Debbie. “The Macaroni and Cheese Pie must be the earliest example of fusion cuisine.”

Wings of Terror

Painted lady butterflies are swarming from Africa to Scotland in record numbers.

Donald Crichton, from Falkirk, believes this is an excellent premise for a horror flick, such as the schlock classic, Sharknado, about a tornado whisking killer sharks into residential areas.

“It could be called Butterflymageddon,” explains Donald. “Do you think Steven Spielberg will take my call?”

Read more: Kicked off