Wedding woes

SPOTTING internet images of American socialite, Kylie Jenner, boarding a plane carrying a flouncy wedding dress reminded Amber Scott, from Eaglesham, of her more down-to-earth nuptials.

Married in the local registry office, she dispensed with the traditional white dress, arriving in a grey trouser suit. One (soon to be ex) friend quipped: “Is that one of those multi-purpose numbers, suitable for weddings, funerals and loft conversions?”

Amber says what really irked was she lived in a ground-floor flat at the time, so didn’t have access to a loft to convert.

Leading question

OUR story about a school boy’s calamitous linguistic error in a history exam has Hyndland reader Peter McEwan recalling his undergraduate career studying philosophy. Being a vague and ethereal subject, students were confronted, at the end of term, by an exam paper containing a solitary one-word question: Why?

One young genius, clearly of the intellectual stature of Bertrand Russell, came up with a two-word response: Why not?

Peter informs us it was a three-hour exam. So we’re not sure what Bertrand Jnr did with his remaining two hours 59 minutes.

Blissed-out birds

PUTTING the wit into twitter, Franz Ferdinand frontman Alex Kapranos, wonders if the new Angry Birds movie is as good as the novel. The film, of course, is based on a video game. Which does have an esoteric side.

Giridhari Dasa of the International Society of Krishna Consciousness wrote a five-part essay using Angry Birds characters to explain Yoga, which seems a tad counter intuitive, as the exercise regime is meant to be calming. Too much yoga and those Angry Birds will have to re-brand themselves the Chilled Out and Enjoying a Chai Latte on the Terrace of Our Nest Birds.

Star snub

KEANU Reeves is looking to buy a house in the Cotswolds. Surely the actor’s purchase should be in Glasgow, the location, earlier this year, of KeanuCon, the world’s most prestigious (and perhaps only) festival devoted to the star?

How splendid it would be to glimpse the movie icon strolling down Sauchiehall Street, and to greet him with a hearty refrain of: “Och aye the (Kea)nu.”

Yummy to yikes

YESTERDAY’S Herald article about youngsters giving up traditional British puddings reminds Grahamstom reader Stan Fischer of a tussle with that stodgy treat, clootie dumpling and custard. Stan’s wife had been encouraging him to embrace healthy eating, but under protest prepared a birthday clootie. A thrilled hubby gobbled the goo rather hastily, resulting in a coughing fit of epic proportions.

Mrs Fischer offered no physical aid to her spluttering partner, though she did supply him with a potted history of his doomed relationship with clootie and custard. “You had your pudding,” she said. “Now enjoy your just ‘desserts’.”

Hammer time

READER Russell Smith has risen to our challenge to name politicians with a talent outside their chosen profession. He reminds us that Conservative grandee Michael Heseltine could have bounded on to the winners podium at the Olympics with his hammer throwing skills, exhibited when swinging the mace in the House of Commons.

Then there’s Jeremy Corbyn, who would make an excellent illusionist in the Derren Brown mould. “His acolytes believe he can walk on water,” points out Russell.