Nappy, sir?

READER Gerry Minnery was discombobulated to come across a nappy-vending machine in a motorway gents’ toilet. Says our man: “In my day the vending machines in the gents’ sold ‘something for the weekend’ to prevent the need for nappies. I must be getting old!”

Not long now

MORE discombobulation, this time for reader Eric MacDonald who felt a little sad on reading the following: “The Scottish Government has announced that the rail link to Levenmouth will reopen after 50 years.” Says Eric: “Too long for me to wait.”

In deep water

DISCOMBOBULATION, currently spreading like a contagion among Diary readers, also struck our man Alan Crozier who was aghast amidst the recent downpours to see a cooncil lorry out watering the pot plants. “Could have saved a few bob there,” he muses.

As wrong as rain

MORE musing about wetness from another discombobulated Diary reader: “Why do beer-gardens put the umbrellas up on those rare days when the sun shines and everyone wants to get a bit of it, yet take them down when it is raining and we are trying to keep ourselves dry?” asks Lynne Hendry.

Grapes of laugh

THE Diary’s recent mention of top toper WC Fields prompts Kilbirnie reader Russell Smith to recall this little culinary gem from the great man: “I cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.”

Jurassic plonk

SPEAKING of el vino, Uddingston reader Tom Bain tells us of the wine list encountered at a hotel in Guernsey, which had all the usual tasting notes for whites – gooseberry flavours, citrus fruits, etc – but a more unusual one at the end, on a Gavi di Gavi from Italy: “There is a wonderful lift of elderberry flowers, and like a baby Chablis it reeks of salty fossils that come to life with a lick.”

Tom wonders if any Diary readers, preferably qualified palaeontologists, could enlighten us on “the unique effect on the taste buds of licking salty fossils”.

Taking the p

READER John B. Henderson is unimpressed with Chancellor Sajid David’s plan to flood the economy with 50p Brexit coins. “The bad news for the new Chancellor is that, with sterling in Brexit free-fall, by the time they hit the tills they’ll only be worth 40p.”


MILNGAVIE reader Robin Gilmour tells of a pal who’d just returned from a week’s golf in Bulgaria. When the pal and his three golfing amigos sat down for dinner, the following, highly unexpected exchange took place.

Seemingly grumpy waiter: “Where you from?”

Golfer: “We’re from Glasgow, chief. These three are big Celtic fans and I support the famous Glasgow Rangers.”

Grumpy waiter, suddenly grinning and offering an extended hand of friendship: “Rangers! No surrender, eh?” Robin’s pal said it made his holiday. We’re sure his Celtic buddies believe it was all a set-up.

Ciamar a what now?

A MULTI-LINGUAL reader in Lanarkshire writes: “Stream of incoming phone calls – double glazing, recent car accident, alleged computer problems, intrusive surveys etc causing repeated annoyance has motivated a Gaelic Speaker in Lanarkshire [himself, don’t you know?] to answer only in Gaelic. To the con person it is obviously a language – but they don't understand a word. Takes about 12 seconds and a couple of responses for them to hang up.” Another good reason to learn Gaelic, folks.

Read more: 1987: Seven hours of hard rock in the sunshine in Glasgow