What a delivery

A GLASGOW reader gets in touch: "Just explained to a colleague that the Amazon has been on fire for the last three weeks. She replied, 'What, the Dunfermline depot?'"

On a roll

WE pass on the observation from freelance journalist Dayna McAlpine in Edinburgh who spent a few years working in London: "My pals think living in Scotland is all beautiful rolling hills and friendly patter when in reality it's a junkie shouting, 'Ye going' for a shite hen?' at me because I'm carrying a 16-roll pack of toilet paper."

Achieving goals

WE often note folk who have a bit of fun with reviews on TripAdvisor. The latest we spotted was the Motherwell FC Podcast team who, after Motherwell's victory against rivals Hamilton Accies, wrote a review of Hamilton's New Douglas Park: "Very accommodating, allowed us to leave with three points. Locals low in numbers and very quiet. Would visit again."

On the right lines

SOMETIMES social media conversations can be enlightening. Chris Godfrey, travelling from London to Aberdeen, went on line to sigh: "My boyfriend was in charge of supplies for the four-and-a-half train journey to Scotland we are currently on. For this journey - standing the whole time by the way - he has bought no bottles of water, two cans of gin and tonic, one pack of chicken satay and one tube of sour cream and onion Pringles."

Scots lass Ange Fitpatrick replied: "Maybe you'll get lucky. I was on a very delayed train to Glasgow, standing between carriages. The trolley got to us and couldn't go any further. Businessman next to me bought the lot on his company card - wine and beer for the adults, sweets for the kids. Impromptutu train party!"

Anyone else have happy times on a train?

A tail to tell

YOU can just imagine - says reader Lynne Hendry: "I'm trotting along up-market Queen Street in Helensburgh minding my own business when a purple-faced lady appears at her house entrance shouting, 'Excuse me! Excuse me!' I stop and she approaches with hands and arms flailing. 'How dare you allow your dog to defecate on my street! The very least you could do is pick up the excrement and deposit it in a suitable bin' She pauses for breath.'Well? Have you nothing to say for yourself?' 'Yes. I don't own a dog'."

Bosom buddy

WRITER David Barnett asks: "What's the worst type in an email you spotted immediately after hitting send? I think mine has to be, 'I appreciated that you're very busty'."

Fishy story

OUR stories about Ireland reminded Derek Blakey: "A very dear friend of mine, sadly passed, once told me of a fishing trip when after the fishing was done they wandered into a local hostelry. He asked for a bottle of Guinness and a large Irish. Unfortunately the barman stated the pub wasn't open yet and therefore couldn't grant his wishes. After a few minutes the barman asked would he like a drink while he waited."