Ray of hope

GOD loves a trier. A reader in a Glasgow pub the other night tells us: "I overheard a guy, trying to chat up a girl, valiantly trying to find out where she was from, and in passing mentions the lovely weather. She says, 'I know, I spoke to my nan earlier who lives near me and she said it was such a nice day.' So the bloke cleverly asks, 'That's nice. So where's your nan?'

"Girl replies, 'Out the back garden'."

Cashing in

MORE folk are renting than buying houses these days, and renter Gary Bainbridge throws up the conundrum: "My rent has just been increased, according to correspondence, because the value of the property in which I live has increased. If I'm reading this correctly, I now have to give my landlord more money because he has more money?"

Stiff opposition

AND so the Edinburgh Festival Fringe comes to an end for another year. Mike Ritchie tells us: "A chum told me of a gag he heard from a comic at The Fringe. 'Would it be a good idea to bury Donald Trump in the concrete being used for his wall on the Mexican border - or would that set a bad president?' I think that’s funnier than the florets one that won a top gag prize."

Let's face it

SO are you an enthusiastic user of all things social media? As Marrtin Pilgrim muses: "The problem with not having Facebook is that I miss out on all my friends' news and then I run into them and say things like, 'Where did you get that baby from?'"

Doesn't wash

THE first of the remade Dad's Army episodes with new cast members - three stars according to The Herald's astute Alison Rowat - was aired on the telly this week. It reminds us of the original Corporal Pike, the late Clive Dunn, reminiscing about the start of his stage career after the war - singing, dancing, telling jokes, acting, all for £8 a week. Clive added: "I found out that the washer-up at the theatre was getting £12 a week. It was Les Dawson. I could only deduce that his washing-up was funnier than my comedy act."

Artistic licence

WE asked about your happy train journeys and Margie Dobson recalled: "Following a study trip to London, a large group of art students arrived at King's Cross, to be informed that the carriage which had been booked for us had not been added to the train. Clever clogs suggested that we just grab the carriage in the equivalent position. Guess what? It was first class!"


GROWING old, continued. Says Jim Morrison: "At Erskine Golf Club last week, two of the older members were talking and one said, 'I’m thinking of giving up the golf Donald - I can’t reach the par fours in two any more'. His pal replied, 'Ye think that’s bad? I’ve got trouble reaching the par threes in two'."


WE wonder how many folk can identify with the woman in Glasgow this week who was overheard on the train into town telling her pal: "My husband and I have been getting along better since we realised how much our shouting was upsetting the dog."