ANDREW Marr’s fiery exchange with Boris Johnson yesterday led the Prime Minister to finally agree to be interviewed by Andrew Neil. So well done Andrew (Marr) on forcing the Prime Minister to talk to Andrew (Neil). Still, it must be a tad galling for Andrew (Marr), as most political pundits seem to be assuming that Andrew (Neil) will give Boris a rougher ride. But surely Andrew (Marr), like Andrew (Neil), has a canny Scottish tongue in his head, and is equally capable of asking uncomfortable questions? The Diary would like to add that, this being a democracy, we are firmly of the belief that all Andrews should be treated equally.

Crime time

CRIME author M.C. Beaton (whose real name is Marion Chesney) has revealed her time spent working as a reporter in Glasgow influenced her subsequent career. Though not in the way you might think.

“The crime in Glasgow was awful,” she recalls. “Razor gangs, axemen. I was reporting stories in filthy gas-lit tenements where the stair lavatory had broken. And so, as an escape, I kept making up stories in my head that had nothing to do with reality.”

We should add it has been quite some time since Beaton worked in Glasgow, and things have improved dramatically. Gas-lit tenements are a thing of the past (Though the occasional axe-wielding maniac can be found, for the nostalgists amongst us).

Frosty response

ENJOYING a Saturday morning stroll with his toddler grandson, Walter Waddell arrived at a field dusted with frost. “Look!” said grandson excitedly: “The grass has dandruff.” The youngster then added compassionately: “Should we pour a bottle of Head & Shoulders over it?”

Crimbo present sucks

SIR Rod Stewart has admitted his loved ones struggle to buy him Christmas prezzies, as he has just about everything a man could want. Luckily, we’ve come up with an excellent suggestion to stuff in the tartan sock dangling from the end of Sir Rod’s bed. A tin of cough drops to clear-up that sandpaper voice that’s been plaguing him for over five decades. Then again, if Rod had sucked a cough drop 50 years ago, he would probably be worth a few million pounds less, and be without a statuesque blonde to call his own.

Airing grievance

COMEDIAN Joe Heenan has been expounding on the joys of parenthood. As he strolled into the living room recently he realised somebody in his immediate vicinity had broken wind. “I asked who did it,” says Joe. “My nine-year-old son said it was him. My four-year-old son said he did it, and then he started crying because his big brother took the credit.” Joe adds with understandable exasperation: “You don't read about this s**t in parenting books.”

Democracy inaction

OUTRAGED reader Gordon Hyland tells us he can’t believe he was arrested for impersonating a politician. “I was just sitting there doing nothing,” sighs Gordon.