LIKE a drunk at a house party who declines to go home as the celebrations wind down, and instead falls asleep on a pile of coats in the spare room, the Diary is not yet willing to leave the General Election well alone. We note the repercussions for defeated MPs will be devastating. And not only in loss of income and being ceremonially stripped of the key to the Westminster cludgie. Paul Masterton, who lost his East Renfrewshire seat, knows only too well what it means. He wails: “Twitter have removed my blue tick." (For those not in the know, a Twitter blue tick means you’re a social media VIP. It’s the internet era’s version of Burke’s Peerage.) A crestfallen Masterton adds: “Talk about kicking someone when they're down. Brutal.”

The Max factor

LEGENDARY newspaper hack Colin McClatchie has published A Musing, a book about his time in the wacky world of journalism. In the entertaining volume he recalls working for press baron and all-round dodgy geezer Robert Maxwell, whose command of the English language was woefully wobbly. One Maxwell Malapropism recalled in the book was: “They have made their apple pie, now they must live in it.” We guess you could call that sort of appley abode a Maxwell House.

Vegetating politician

READER David Donaldson points out that if you type the word ‘Corbyn’ into Gmail it autocorrects to 'Corncob'. David adds: “Makes you realise Artificial Intelligence isn't that smart.” Perhaps. Though it could be proof that autocorrect knows something folks in Scotland and the north of England have been aware of for some time. Though not so many Labour-loving lads and lassies down London way.

Discourse on intercourse

OUR Saga saga continues with readers bombarding us with alternative acronyms for the famous company that organises holidays for the 50-and-over set. “I've heard it said Saga really stands for Sexually Active Geriatrics Association or Sex And Games for the Aged,” says Christopher Ide. The Diary notes with creeping concern that readers continually assume the ‘S’ in Saga stands for sex. Couldn’t our more highfalutin contributors suggest something more sedate. Shuffleboard, perhaps?

Feisty fridge celebration

WHEN Jo Swinson lost her Westminster seat Nicola Sturgeon was filmed enjoying a celebratory fist shake of the “Get in there!” variety. Some commentators thought this was unsportsmanlike, believing the First Minister could have been magnanimous in victory by muttering in a calm and understated voice: “Jolly bad show, Jo. Better luck next time.” Galloping to the defence of Sturgeon comes commentator Kirsty Strickland who says: “If anything, Sturgeon's celebration of winning East Dunbartonshire was understated. That's me on a normal day when I realise I've got bacon in the fridge.”

Green day

READER Elaine Lightbody asks if it’s true that Green campaigner Greta Thunberg is a big fan of the Diary. Elaine adds: “I’ve heard she appreciates your commitment to recycling old jokes.”