Master of mediocrity
CHRISTMAS is a time when wishes come true, usually because Santa gets involved. Up-and-coming Glasgow actor Daniel Cameron isn’t relying on Santa’s intervention. His dream is to play the role of Konstantin in a swish West End production of Chekhov’s The Seagull, which will star Emilia Clarke. To grab the attention of casting directors, Daniel’s written an open letter, listing the reasons he’s perfect for the job. They include: 1) I went to drama school, so I know what a samovar is and how to use one. 2) I'm sure Emilia Clarke will do a great job. She will, of course, need someone who looks like he could be pining over the fact that she’s way out of his league and he's a terrible mediocrity in every way… I am that guy!
Loose definition
OUR quest to find new and improved acronyms for SAGA, the holiday company for travellers who totter a tad, takes a dramatic swerve today. Reader Jim Morrison says the name of the company shouldn’t be an acronym at all. He suggests, instead, that it should be Saggy Tours.
Job ap(palling)
SOME years ago the position of secretary became available at reader Margaret Thomson’s local school. The application form included the question: "Where did you hear about this vacancy?" As a reply, one hopeful had written: "Fae ma sho sho wuku." Regrettably this pithy answer did not lead to a subsequent interview for the job. (For those confused by this intriguing array of letters, we should point out that they were not scattered on the page at random. The job-hunter was attempting to write: “From my social worker.”)
Boxing (not) clever
SCOTTISH actor David Paisley can currently be seen in River City where he’s deranged gangster Rory Murdoch. Rory is truly a rogue of epic proportions, though the man who plays him believes that worse fiends abound at this time of year. He argues that Christmas is: “Your yearly reminder that people who put empty After Eight wrappers back into the box are complete and total psychopaths.”
Boozing religiously
COMEDIAN Jamie Dalgleish recently found out that the monks at Buckfast Abbey are building a £5000 extension to the monastery. After doing some basic arithmetical calculations Jamie says he’s come to the conclusion that: “I've defo spent £5000 on Buckie in my life.” With a despondent sigh he adds: “I'm the worst atheist ever.”
Finished with fantasy?
WE conclude with some metaphysical musings, with a hint of Christmas about them. (Though they work just as well at Easter, or when your kid has a wobbly tooth). Reader Edith Jones says she remembers as a child her parents filling her head with nonsense about Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. She adds: “Now I’m older, I don’t fall for that rubbish any more, thank God.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here