AS we hurtle headlong into 2020 (January the 6th! Already!) there’s no ignoring the fact none of us are getting any younger. Though some adventurous soles are attempting to reverse the aging process. Comedian Tony Fibbers, for instance, dreamed he had a shave and afterwards looked a youthful 21 years old. As any biblical scholar will tell you, prophetic dreams should not be ignored. So Tony took a razor to his cheeks and chin. And did he slough off the years, like a snake discarding its leathery old skin? Not quite. “I still look old AND have a cold face,” groans the formerly fuzzy-faced fellow.

Brought to book

THE Diary was sad to hear of the death of Marion Chesney who wrote many charming crime novels under the pseudonym M.C. Beaton. Before her writing career took off Marion worked in what was then Britain’s oldest bookshop, the long-vanished John Smith & Son in St Vincent Street, Glasgow. “Those were the days when bookselling was a profession,” Marion recalled recently. “One had to know something about every book in the shop. I developed an eye for what sort of book a customer might want, and could, for example, spot an arriving request for a leather-bound pocket-sized edition of Omar Khayyam at a hundred paces.” It’s doubtful whether a modern-day bookseller could boast such rare talent. “Omar Khayyam?” they’d probably mutter. “Nope, never heard of that Indian restaurant…”

Love actually

DATING apps are the modern method for lonely guys and gals to hook up. However, reader Carol Gordon has had a radical thought. “Instead of connecting by looking at snaps on a mobile phone, perhaps people could find love by meeting in the flesh first,” she says, “followed by coffee and chat to get to know each other.” Carol adds hopefully: “It’s pretty extreme, but do you think it might catch on?”

Bad bet

“MY wife left me because of my compulsive gambling,” reader Tony Fowler admits. “Any idea how I can win her back?”

Bloody dull

THE debate over whether the updated television version of Dracula is any good continues. You could even say it refuses to die, much like a certain spikey-toothed Count of the Transylvanian variety. Now serious newsy person and presenter of BBC Scotland’s The Nine, Martin Geissler, has reported on the matter with his usual high levels of gravitas and furrow-browed authority: “Going against the tide on Dracula,” he says. “Can’t be bothered with it, don’t get it, bored oot ma nut.”

Tale clipped

THE Diary loves a petty complaint, so we could hardly supress our delight when reader Kevin Donnelly got in touch to rant: “Do you know what I hate about cliff-hangers?” The answer is, of course… “Well, it’s pretty complicated,” says Kevin. “Tell you what. I’ll get in touch next week and tell you.”